Random Chances
by Manni Bothands
Summary: Waking with the mother of all hangovers a girl from the real world finds herself in some sort of prison cell surrounded by the Akatsuki.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just a silly idea I had rattling around in my head. Overused concept I know but unfortunately I'm not creative enough to create my own Naruto world characters, and my knowledge of the existing ones is not strong enough to make a believable story…so real world oc it is.**

**The Akatsuki are likely to be OOC so I apologise in advance.**

**Disclaimer: none of the Naruto characters featured in this story are my creation. A huge surprise I'm sure *voice dripping with sarcasm***

* * *

I groaned pathetically as the peacefulness of sleep slowly began to seep away as I regained consciousness. My head was throbbing and every muscle and bone was violently protesting as if threatening to leave my body. A cool dampness that reeked of stale water and old urine seemed to be all around me. A hard, scratchy surface pressed against the side of my face as I lay motionless on the ground. The inside of my mouth felt like sandpaper. What had I done last night? It was all a blur. I remembered drinking cocktails and…oh lord did I finish off a bottle of absinthe? No wonder I couldn't remember anything.

Instinctively I grabbed my head in a futile effort to ease the pain. _I must have really tied one on last night._ I didn't smell the musty stench of sweat or feel a distinctive tell-tale ache between my legs. That was a good sign at least.

Sluggishly I cracked open my eyes and immediately winced. After a couple of seconds a world of varying shades of brown started to come into focus. Brain slow in its interpretation it took a moment for me to register that I was looking at dirt. In fact I was surrounded by it. Gingerly sweeping my eyes about the area as best I could I discovered that three walls where solid, brown, dirt with old roots slithering in and out of them like snakes. The fourth wall was a row of rusty iron bars embedded in the floor and ceiling that housed a single hinged door made of matching iron bars, which had been left open. I tried to think of where I might be but the pounding in my head quickly put an end to the effort.

"_Where did she come from un_?"

Every word was like a rail road spike through my head. I curled myself into a ball in a pointless attempt to recapture the sweat nothingness that unconsciousness had provided, my stomach threatening to escape out my mouth even at that slight a movement.

"_Ohh! Tobi wants to play with the new girl. Tobi is a good boy!_"

"_She fell right out of the sky, if Itachi hadn't caught her…haha…splat_."

Oh god, every sound made the pain worse, even my eyeballs were throbbing.

"_Why'd you catch the bitch? Should have just let her fall._"

"_Hn_"

I pressed my forearm tighter against my temple in a fruitless effort to ease the skull splitting pain. I really needed some Tylenol.

"_Her flesh smells delicious. __**Can we eat her**_?"

"_She might be of value_."

"_Either way we have to wait for Leader_."

Who the hell keeps talking? Whoever it was, they needed to stop. "Ugh… my head feels like it's got a couple of monkeys arguing over a sack of marbles inside it," I grumbled carefully pulling myself into a seated position, my stomach once again threatening to violently empty its contents. "So will you please…shut the hell up!"

Several men stood just beyond the earthen cell that housed me. One wore a bright orange mask in a swirl pattern that obscured his entire face except for a single eye hole, his rapid, sporadic movements only increasing my nausea. Beside the lollipop man was either a butch woman or a slightly effeminate man. They had long blond hair worn in a half pony-tail and a side-swept bang that cover one side of their face. To one side of the blond was something that could only be described as a shark on legs standing next to a man with long black hair held in a loose pony-tail at the nape of his neck. Shifting my vision to the opposite side I saw a man with slicked back white hair beside a man wearing a hooded cowl with red and green eyes. Behind them was a two-toned man being swallowed by the world's biggest Venus fly trap and a surprisingly plain-looking man with bright auburn hair.

Though they all had very distinctive, in some cases very inhuman, differences they all wore the same black cloaks decorated with what appeared to be red clouds embroidered with white around the edges. As strange as they were there was something…something almost familiar about them. Like I had seen them some place before.

"What did you say bitch?" snarled the man with the slicked back, white hair. As he moved closer towards me I noticed his eyes were an unusual shade of violet.

"I said," I responded back, foolishly rising to my feet. "One sec…" The effort it had taken to stand and keep myself upright had been the final straw. Vomit poured unceremoniously from my throat splattering on to the ground at my feet. Dam now broken I fell to my knees as my stomach made a valiant effort to expel every ounce of its contents. "Oh god…I am going to die in this shitty dirt cell...," I managed sputtered between bouts of vomiting. By the time I had finished my stomach muscles were aching and my throat was burning.

"That is disgusting un."

Though it had certainly felt like I was dying at the time I could still count myself among the living. Stomach now officially empty I pulled myself together as best I could. Wiping my mouth on my sleeve I returned my attention back to the man with white hair. "As I was saying…I am rocking one monster hangover so could you and your little friends take your conversation elsewhere?"

A look of barely contained rage swirled in the man's violet eyes. Before I could think of what had him so angry another man entered the room, shadowed by a blue haired woman both wearing the same black and red cloaks. The man had spikey orange hair and a dozen piercings decorating his face. There was probably some body piercing company out there that had to thank him personally for keeping them in business. As it seemed to be an ongoing theme among them he too had unusual eyes. His appeared to have a series of purple rings.

"Where are you from girl?" The tone of his voice held an air of authority.

"Who wants to know?"

"I'll be asking the questions." His voice was calm but had a threatening edge. Crossing his arms he glared at me menacingly as he waited for me to respond.

"I don't think I want to tell you." I moved to put some distance between us careful to avoid the retched puddle of puke I had made earlier, the revolting smell of it mixing with the stench of moldy earth and other bodily fluids. My head still pulsed with agonizing pain but the nausea that had accompanied it previously had lessened.

An open hand struck me hard across the face forcefully causing my head to turn, my cheek burning from the impact.

"Geeze…owwww!" My hand flew up to cup my injured cheek. "You got another one in ya?" I questioned seductively.

Shock flooded his odd face before he schooled his features back to a look of calm indifference. I honestly wasn't sure why I had said that. Maybe I thought it would be funny. I didn't have the best judgement sober, when I was drunk or hung-over it was even worse. "Sorry, ignore me. My whole thing is I just crave attention."

"We can do this the easy way…or the hard way," he began taking a threatening step towards me. "Decide."

Arms crossed he stood blocking my only exit from this underground cage, silently waiting for me to make my choice. Appearing as though he didn't care what I decided one way or the other.

With the exit blocked I stepped back further into my earthen cell in an attempt to maximize the possible distance between me and this strange, orange haired man. The others, the unusual individuals I had been observing early, stood in silent observation. Even the loud, foul-mouthed white-haired man from earlier was quiet. As if none of them wanted to draw the attention of this orange haired man. The only exception seemed to be the blue haired women who hovered closely behind him like a human shadow.

He wanted to know where I was from. Fine, I could answer that. "Umm…Earth…duh"

The scowling look in his eyes told me he had not been impressed by my answer.

"What?" I replied as I searched for another exit out of my dirt prison. "Not my fault you didn't think to be specific." If I had any common sense I would have realized that smart-alecky comments were not going to help and they certainly weren't going to help me get out of this prison I found myself in. My therapist often said that my problem was talking before thinking.

"Fine, perhaps a few more hours alone in this cell will loosen your tongue."

With a final frosty glare the orange haired man turned and left through an exit at the far end of the room that I hadn't noticed before. As if given some invisible signal each of the similarly cloaked men followed closely behind him.

"Oh thank Christ." Unable to maintain the pretense of stability I collapsed to the ground. My head was throbbing too hard for me to think straight. My throat was so dry, even the moist dirt underneath me seemed appealing. _I should have asked for water._

As I lay there in misery I began to wonder if perhaps _they_ had been correct. Maybe I did have a drinking problem. How many times had I gone out only to remember next to nothing the following morning? I'd woken up in several strange places before, such as a park bench and a stranger's balcony, but never in some cage carved out of the ground. Just where the hell was I anyway? Shifting my thoughts from my potential borderline alcoholic-ism to those strange cloaked men I started pondering just why they seemed so familiar.

Had it been that sense of familiarity combine with being hung-over that had me so unfazed by their extraordinarily bizarre appearances? Had they even been real? The dull, burning sting on my cheek said that at least one of them had been real.

Where had I seen them before? I could feel the answer dancing around inside my head just outside of reach. It was those cloaks. There was something about them. What was it? The more I tried to think of an answer the more my skull threatened to split in two.

I tried to relax letting my thoughts drift freely. They kind of looked like characters from that anime I liked to watch…the one with the blond kid…Naruto. Didn't that had some villainous organization that wore matching cloaks? What had they called themselves? Avengers?...no…Ak…something…Akutzy?..Akatski?...Akatsuki that was it.

Those were cartoon characters though. Colored images rendered by artists, not beings of flesh and blood. I was starting to seriously question my sanity. Maybe this was some type of crazy, new reality TV show. One that tried tricking unsuspecting people into believing something crazy, like alien abductions or anime characters coming to life, and filming the results. Closing my eyes I curled into a ball and waited for the sweet nothingness of sleep to reclaim me, perhaps things would start making sense again after some rest.

* * *

I was awoken from my nap by the creaking sound of rusty metal moving against rusty metal. This time when I regained consciousness the pounding in my head had been reduced to a mild throbbing and my stomach felt less eager to spill its contents at the slightest provocation. I was definitely still hung-over, but sleep had helped to alleviate my symptoms a little.

I lifted my head to see that same orange haired man from before, this time without his human shadow, apparently back for round two. In his hand he held a cup of some kind, the liquid contents within sloshing slightly with each step. I eyed the cup hungrily, desperate for any type of moisture. My mouth felt like a three-week old gym sock wrapped in coarse sandpaper.

"Do you feel like answering my questions now?" When I didn't reply he starting pouring the contents of the cup to the ground.

I sprang from my position on the ground as fast as my body would allow in a pathetic attempt to stop him. A move he easily dodged. Before all the liquid could escape, he tilted the cup upright once more and silently waited.

"Answer and you can have this drink of water." He stared at me like I was a dog that should obey its master's command.

"I'll suck it straight out of this bacteria infested ground before I give you the satisfaction of answering your questions!" Wait…why was I being so hostile about this? He just wanted to know where I was from, a pretty reasonable request though reasonable people didn't throw people into creepy, make-shift dungeons…

When he moved to empty the remaining liquid to the ground I quickly motioned for him to stop. "Wait"

He paused in his action, holding the cup half tilted his expression clearly stating _I'm listening._

"Burnaby…I'm from Burnaby."

Instead of handing me the drink of water as promised he narrowed his eyes and took an aggressive step towards me. Before I could register what was happening my back slammed against a wall as he held me up by the collar of my shirt. "I am growing tired of your little games girl," he growled pulling something sharp out from under his cloak.

Panic consumed me at the suddenness of such violence before the absurdity of it took over. Without thinking I began to laugh. "Bravo…for I moment I almost believed you were Pain."

I was held against the wall my back had been so unkindly slammed against by a forearm pressing painfully against my collarbone, my feet dangling helplessly off the floor, a sharp knife-like object hovering dangerously close to my throat. "Who are you? How do you know who I am?" he snapped angrily, the tip of his blade biting into the delicate skin at my throat. "Answer me!"

I could feel a thread-thin trickle of blood running down from the superficial wound. I was all for authenticity, but this was taking things too far. Wasn't there some waver I would have to sign first if there was a chance I might actually get injured?

"I have no idea who _you_ are, but you look like the figurehead leader of the Akatsuki, Pain…or Nagato or whatever."

The arm that held me pinned pressed harder against my clavicle. "Tell me how you know that or I'll kill you."

Panic began to return at the cold, seriousness of his voice. This was rapidly getting out of hand. Where the producers pushing things this far because I hadn't fallen for their little hoax like some silly fangirl and wasn't making the proper ass of myself for public viewing? "Hey it's not exactly classified information. Anyone could easily do a Google search and figure it out."

The arm that had held me to the wall abruptly moved away causing me to fall to the ground. I hit the floor with an ungraceful thump, a momentary shock of pain flaring threw my nerves. He loomed over me threateningly, a menacing scowl on his face. "What else do you know?" he questioned suspiciously.

"About this world," I started using my fingers to make air quotes and the word _world_. "Surprisingly a lot, I never expected to get sucked in but I did. Now I know all sorts of things about the Akatsuki, the leaf, the sand…not so much about the rock or mist…but let's be honest who really gives a shit about them..."

"You have knowledge of the Hidden Leaf?"

"Yes, quite a bit actually" I replied back, it was now my turn to be suspicious.

"You may be useful to us after all."

Shit that sounded rather ominous.

"Any chance I can have that water now?"

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**Thanks for reading**

**Not sure where I'm going with this so I make no promises for frequent updates.**

**Yes I'm aware that the Akatsuki have died but I thought I'd do a story with them anyway.**

**Until next time**


	2. Chapter 2

**This was definitely a late night typing session. Not totally satisfied with the quality...but here's another chapter.**

**Hah! I've made no claims about being a great writer, most of this stuff is for my own amusement anyway.**

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Just how long where they going to keep me in this shit box they called a prison cell? How long had it been…two maybe three days? My hangover was gone but now I found myself dying of boredom. Pain, or whatever he wanted to call himself, had finished his little interrogation by asking a few basic questions, general stuff about the Akatsuki and the Leaf but nothing too in-depth, before leaving me alone with nothing to do but stare at the walls for hours on end.

He had kept his promise and had given me a drink of water, but it was odd how he seemed so focused on my knowledge of things in the Naruto world. Most of the things he had asked me could have been easily found in a quick Google search, so why waste the time trying to get it from me? Maybe they needed to figure out a little of what I knew in order to make the show more believable or something. It was unnerving how he kept saying that because of my knowledge I was to remain with the Akatsuki. Like I'd suddenly become the class pet.

After Captain Orange Hair there had been two additional visitors to my little corner of hell, seriously, if they kept me in here any longer the stench of rot and who knows what type of bodily fluids was going to be permanently absorbed into my skin. The first had been the red-headed Sasori, bringing some sort of rice gruel, that in of itself could have been classified as cruel and unusual punishment, along with some water. He hadn't said much, just slipped the food that looked suspiciously like the expelled stomach contents congealing on the other side of the room, through the door before leaving. My second visit, this time from the blond, had gone much the same way.

Fuck reality TV. I needed a drink.

Irritated I began pacing around the confines of my cell searching for any hidden cameras. Finding nothing I angrily flipped off a random wall. What the hell was the deal with this show anyway? Watching me sit alone in this crap hole for hours on end couldn't be that entertaining. As I grumbled to myself about the stupidity of reality TV in general a thought occurred to me. Didn't the people in these things generally get paid? I took home shit from my job as a secretary for a local business company. It was barely enough for me to keep my crappy one bedroom apartment. If acting like a total idiot had the benefit of possibly getting more money with this thing then…so long dignity.

Say what you want, but self-respect and dignity don't pay the bills.

I decided to go along with their scheme and pretend that I believed these people were really the Akatsuki. Assuming they ever let me out of this damn prison cell.

Another day passed before my prayers where finally answered. The creaking of rusty iron echoed through the room as the man with the orange mask peaked inside. Though it was difficult to tell he seemed to be searching for something until the single eye hole landed on me. Apparently finding what he was looking for he opened the door the rest of the way and gestured for me to follow him.

"Aren't you a little tall to be in the lollipop guild?" I question pointing lazily to his orange mask that resembled the candy. I was instantly kicking myself for the remark. I wanted to get out of here, not stay here another four days because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"Tobi does not understand…" His overly cheerful voice was heavily laced with the sound of confusion as he nervously scratched the back of his head, the orange mask keeping his true reaction hidden.

"Never mind, not important," I answered dismissively. Out of all the Akatsuki characters I think Tobi creeped me out the most. It was the whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing with him. That, and anyone who acted this ridiculously cheerful shouldn't be trusted.

He led me through a series of winding tunnels, the walls of which seemed to gradually change from dirt to stone. The smell had improved but other than that it wasn't much better than being in my prison cell.

"Tobi wants to know girl-chan's name." His voice was sickeningly sweet as he comically tilted his head to one side patiently waiting for an answer. He had paused from guiding me through these seemingly never-ending tunnels, so unless I wanted to spend a significant amount of time in this hallway I was going to have to answer him.

I found myself wishing I had paid more attention to my friends when they went on about what the various Japanese prefixes meant. For a moment I had entertained the thought of giving a more Japanese sounding name, but decided against it. Trying to remember what name I had picked was going to be too much of a hassle anyway. "Amanda"

The masked man jumped excitedly, clapping his hands like a little kid before replying. "Tobi's name is Tobi"

Was he for real? I guess if you acted like you suffered from some form of serious brain damage people were less likely to question your motives. "Nice to meet you Tobi," I replied in an equally effervescent tone. _If that is your real name, Obito Uchiha…or was it Madara?_

"Tobi thinks that Tobi and Amanda-chan will be good friends."

_Not bloody likely pal._ I gave a non-committal shrug in response as we resumed our journey through the tunnels to god knows where. After what felt like hours to my poor unused legs there was a literal _light at the end of the tunne_l. The narrow passage way opened into a large, brightly lit room. Its purpose was unclear. Other than a table and a few chairs the room was pretty much empty.

Without so much as a second glance, Tobi continued straight through the large, sparsely furnished room leading me down another narrow hallway before pausing suddenly in front of a door. He waited, nearly vibrating with unused energy, until I had come up beside him before pushing open the door. Stepping aside he allowed me to enter the room.

Hallelujah is was a bathroom.

"Tobi likes Amanda-Chan, but Tobi thinks she needs a bath."

Tobi was right, I did need a bath. After my time in that filthy dirt cage I could only imagine how terrible I smelled. Briefly I thought of forgoing the chance to shower, it was their fault I smelt like yesterday's garbage they could live with it, but the itchy feeling of my skin quickly had changing my mind.

Thankfully Tobi returned to whatever it is he does and left me alone to my cleaning rituals. Whoever kept the bathroom stocked had generously provided the basics, soap, hairbrush, shampoo, and conditioner. There was even a toothbrush and some toothpaste. It was nothing fancy, but it would get the job done. I turned the shower to as hot as I could stand it before stripping out of my soiled clothing and stepping into the tub.

It felt so good to wash the dirt and grime from my hair and skin. I scrubbed myself from head to toe several times before finally turning off the shower. Stepping out into a stream fogged room I used a corner of one of the provided towels to clear the mirror. Familiar blue eyes and dark hair in wet, tangled strands stared back at me. Securing the towel tightly around my naked form I grabbed the toothbrush off the counter and proceeded with brushing my teeth, the taste of spearmint a refreshing change from vomit and rice gruel.

Pulling my cellphone from my pants pocket I gave a dejected look to the pile of filthy clothes on the bathroom floor, cringing at the thought of putting them back on. Whoever had stocked the bathroom had thought of this as well. Waiting neatly folded on the back of the toilet was pile of clean clothes. A change of undergarments, which I wasn't going to think too much about, a simple pair of loose-fitting, grey capris a plain long-sleeved navy shirt and….fishnets? Just what was I supposed to do with those? The shirt I kind of understood, but the other stuff was a mystery. _What? Did they walk into a clothing store and ask for the most useless items available?_

Unable to figure out what the purpose of the fishnet items was I left them where I found them. They seemed rather unnecessary anyway. The clothes were a little big but it was better than having to put my dirty ones back on. Lastly I ran a comb through my hair before finally leaving the bathroom.

"Took you long enough," commented a deep male voice, "thought we were going to have to break down the door and drag you out of there." The disappointment that it hadn't actually come to that was obvious in their tone.

I glanced up to see none other than the sharkman himself, Kisame, his massive, blue frame nearly blocking the hallway. Tiny, white eyes glittering with unrestrained mischief and thin lips curling into a vicious smile that revealed sharp, pointed teeth. _Wow, he must have to spend hours in make-up. I wonder how they got the eyes to look like that. _

"It's all yours _cupcake_." I gave an exaggerated wink before stepping aside to allow him access to the bathroom. Ignoring his baffled expression at being called cupcake I pulled my cellphone from where I had placed in the pocket of the capris. I certainly didn't having any luck in that prison cell, which might have been why they hadn't bothered to take the phone from me, but maybe I'd have better reception here. No such luck. _Damn you straight to hell Telus. _It appeared I was going to need to go outside to get any decent reception. In all honesty I wasn't exactly sure who I planned to call, I just felt weirdly lost without my phone working.

"What is that?" he queried, towering over me as he tried to get a better view of the device in my hand. I had to admit he was good. I almost believed he didn't know what a cellphone was.

"Right now, nothing but an expensive paper weight," I gave in reply before shoving the useless technology back into my pocket. "I thought you were waiting for the bathroom."

"Nope" His lips peeled back into an even wider, sharp-toothed grin.

_Okay…_ I seriously hoped he wasn't planning on more touring of this underground maze. I had quite enough of that with Tobi. Was each of them going to take turns playing tour guide? Avoiding his sinister grin I attempted to move past him only to have a large hand latch onto my wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?"

The grip around my wrist was like steel, I wasn't going anywhere.

"Our orders are to take you to the main base…" he answered to my unspoken question, "…willingly or not." He glared down at me, his body language silently daring me to fight. What would have been the point? Even if he wasn't really a ninja, the man was a lot taller and a lot heavier than I was, there was no way I could beat him in a fight…at least not a fair one anyway. Besides I was going along with this charade so I had to pretend like I believed these people where capable of seriously harming me.

"Well?" I questioned, impatiently tapping my foot after a few minutes had passed and we were still standing in the hallway outside the bathroom. "Unless your plan is to pull this base of yours out of your ass shouldn't we get moving?"

The grip on my wrist tightened warningly to a painful degree, the slender bones threatening to break from the pressure. _Why do I have to be such a smart-ass all the time?_ Before the delicate bones could snap he released his vice-like grasp. "We're just waiting for Itachi."

As if on cue the sharingan wielder himself rounded the corner heading straight for us. Not bothering to slow his stride he continued past us heading directly for what I figured was the exit, assuming we would follow.

He had assumed correctly.

As if given a telepathic command Kisame immediately followed after the shorter man, dragging me along with him. It wasn't long before we navigated through the tunnels and made it out of the underground structure. Stepping out into the bright sunny world I had to use my hand as a make-shift visor to prevent the sun from blinding me completely.

There were so many…trees. Behind us was a rocky mountainside but before us was an unending sea of trees. Not a single building, or tower, or paved road could be seen. There wasn't even the sound of a single car. _Great, we're out in the middle of Bumble-fuck-nowhere. _Quickly I reached into my pocket and checked my cellphone. Still nothing, that was strange. Were there no cellphone towers here?

Kisame started adjusting the strap that held his massive sword. _Hmm…they don't forget a single detail do they? _While he was busy with fixing the weapon on his back Itachi crouched down in front of me with his back facing toward me. I found myself staring at him in confusion before I clued in to what he wanted. _He can't be serious… _Where they really planning on leaping through the trees like over-sized fleas? They had done an excellent job with making the Akatsuki believable so far, but make-up had its limits.

"I don't like wasting time. This will be faster than the speed your civilian legs would allow," he replied in a lazy monotone when I hesitated to get on his back. "If you prefer you can have Kisame carry you, though with Samehada I doubt it will be very comfortable."

Things were starting to get really weird. Talking with these people was one thing; climbing onto one of them like some kind of spider-monkey was just way too awkward.

"Umm…couple questions…" I started, desperately looking around for any sigh of city life. "First, have we like literally gone back in time?" Glossing over how I ended up this far out into the wilderness to begin with, which considering that I lived in a major city and wouldn't have had access to a car at the time would have been quite the feat; it was unusual that my cellphone still had no reception. Not even a single bar. "Second, have you recently gone insane?" The idea that I would be carried on someone's back while they pretended to leap through the trees was extremely laughable.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._ I instantly started chastising myself. I was supposed to be pretending these S-class criminals were real. _Oh god why can't I keep my mouth under control?_

Kisame was holding a fist to his mouth pretending he had a cough in order to mask a chuckle. Itachi, having risen from his crouched position was glaring at me dangerously. Though he appeared calm, and completely void of emotion there was a definite angry vibe that radiated from him.

For what seemed like minutes absolutely nothing was said.

I gave a defeated sigh. They should have gone with the alien abduction route. That would have been way easier to play along with. "I'm sorry I can't do this," I explained, trying to hold in the laugh that wanted to escape at the absurdity of pretending anime characters had been real.

Both men instantly tensed, adopting a more aggressive posture.

"I'll definitely give you an A for effort…I mean some of the costuming…wow…but I can't keep pretending this is real. Believe me I wanted to." Now that I had given away that I wasn't buying into this hoax I probably wasn't going to be on this show much longer. This meant that I likely wasn't going to be getting paid which was disappointing.

"Are you sure it isn't you that has gone insane?" Kisame joked, crossing his arms over his chest his aggressive posture relaxing only slightly.

They were really dedicated to this weren't they? "You can drop the act already. I know you're not really the Akatsuki."

"We are the Akatsuki….at least two members of it."

"Riiiight…and I'm the Queen of Scotland." Why didn't they just give it up already? I wasn't buying it any more. All I wanted to do now was find a liquor store, return home to my shoe-box apartment and enjoy the process of getting shit-faced.

"We're still taking you to the base, whether you believe us or not."

Moving too quickly for me to protest I soon found myself draped over the Uchiha's shoulders like a sack of potatoes. This was not as awesome as it might sound. Though it gave me a rather nice view of his ass his shoulder was digging into my stomach making the position rather uncomfortable. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but a muscular arm held me in place.

Struggling to lift my head I saw Kisame standing closely behind Itachi a large grin stretched across his face. _Yeah, laugh it up fishface_.

With me still firmly secured to his shoulder Itachi gave no word of warning before leaping impossibly high into the air and racing through the tree tops at impossible speeds, the world around me instantly transforming into a dizzying blur of greens.

"HOLY…SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIT!"

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**Thanks for reading**

**Wow I actually managed to get another chapter out of this…totally wasn't expecting that.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay! welcome to another chapter :)**

**Enjoy**

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Well this was just fan-fucking-tastic. After the terror inducing trip from hell, honestly I don't think my heart will ever be the same again, I found myself once again locked in a prison cell because I might, quote try to escape. This was an upgrade at least and didn't quite have the same serial killer vibe as the last one.

Instead of dirt I was now surrounded by stone. There were no windows, just a single exit blocked by a row of iron bars. To one side of the enclosed space was a granite slab, complete with scratchy blanket and a flat square of something that was presumably a pillow. _I'm living in the lap of luxury._ I didn't even want to think what the rusty bucket in the corner was intended for. _Where they hell were they finding all these places? Prison Cell Emporium?_

Now that the sharp tendrils of white-hot panic had released their hold, my brain was trying to come up with a logical explanation for how they had managed to pull off that little traveling stunt. Granted I had spent the majority of it screaming like a lunatic until Kisame had threatened to cut out my tongue, so focusing on details hadn't been a priority, but I was able to come up with two possible theories. One involved some type of trapeze contraption and zip lines. However, the complete lack of any poles or wires and the fact that we had been traveling through the trees not above them made that theory rather dubious at best.

My second, and more plausible, theory was that I had been drugged. There certainly had been plenty of opportunities for them to have slipped something into my food, water or anything else I might have touched. _Oh that's just perfect. Let's just pump people full of hallucinogenic drugs; I'm sure there's no health concern to worry about. _ Apparently this show didn't believe in ethics. I know stupid shit gets a higher rating, that's why TLC now stands for Terrible Life Choices, but there had to be limits.

Speaking of stupid reality bullshit, why was I still on this fucking show anyway? I had already told them I wasn't buying into their elaborate deception. I mean anime characters coming to life? Please. I'd sooner believe in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. So why was I left caged inside this stone prison with nothing to do but stare at the walls? I groaned pathetically as a thought occurred to me. I had missed nearly a week of work by now. _Yup, my ass is fired._ Great, just great this stupid show was screwing with my life. What was it going to do next? Get me evicted from my apartment?

Any attempts at rational thought were on a holiday because I was beyond livid. This had all been somewhat amusing at first but now it was just annoying. The thought of getting paid had been a great motivator, but it wasn't worth it if I ended up wanting to kill everyone involved with the damn thing.

"I am done with this you assholes! You hear me? Done Done Done!" I shouted angrily at the walls.

"Well looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed…"

Would this nightmare ever end? I turned to see Hidan and Kakuzu standing on the other side of the bars. I had no idea what they're actual names were so I left with calling them whatever Akatsuki character they portrayed. Kakuzu's red and green eyes were studying me with a look of cold, dispassion as if I were merely an ant and not worthy of recognition. Hidan had a sinister crooked smirk stretching one corner of his mouth, a familiar bowl balanced in one hand.

_Now time for my wallpaper paste, this just keeps getting better and better._

He held the disgusting food out to me before roughly snatching it away. "Beg for it bitch," he gloated smugly, keeping the bowl of rice gruel just out of reach.

If he thought I was going to beg for that repulsive slop he was going to be sorely disappointed. "I'd rather have a three-way with Kisame and this fucker," I snapped back, pointing my thumb in Kakuzu's direction. Once again I had lost control of my tongue, but this time I didn't care. I was too irritated to bother with censoring myself. Besides it's not like they were really members of the Akatsuki and I had to worry about being sacrificed to Jashin or having my heart ripped out.

"If you wanted someone to fuck you, all you had to do was ask." A lecherous grin spread across his face as he made suggestive movements with his hips.

"Oh please, I bet your genitals are the same distance from the ground as that blue haired chick's," I angrily replied, crossing my arms over my chest. "In case that wasn't clear, I'm saying you have a tiny penis."

"That's it I'm going to kill this fucking bitch." Hidan angrily sprang at the bars of my prison cell, the bowl of rice gruel falling forgotten to the floor, only to be restrained by Kakuzu.

"We need her alive Hidan…" His deep gravelly voice left no room for argument. He turned those odd eyes of his on me once more, holding my gaze with a look of frosty indifference. "…for now."

If I wasn't already cursing the inventors of this reality TV show I would have applauded their acting skills. The actors they had found to play Hidan and Kakuzu were good, I'd give them that much.

"What the fuck for?" Hidan questioned in irritation, ceasing in his struggle to come at me despite the iron bars in his way.

"She has valuable information…particularly about the kyuubi brat…"

Had this completely implausible and totally unbelievable situation been real I might have felt guilty about letting it slip that I had any information at all…particularly anything regarding Naruto himself. That kid had a raw enough deal as it was. Since this was obviously fake my guilt would serve no purpose. I chuckled softly to myself when I thought of just how much I actually knew about the Naruto world, I didn't know obsessive details like blood types, birthdays and favorite foods, but still it was quite a lot. _Figures I can remember details from a useless cartoon but can't remember a thing from my statistics class._ Apparently my brain was a sponge for useless information; the more useless the information was the better it stuck. _God forbid I actually retain something useful._

While I had chuckled to myself both men had paused in their arguing and were now staring at me like I had suddenly sprouted a second head. _Right, they're the ones trying to get people to believe that anime characters are real, and I'm the crazy one…me._

"Look I already said I'm not buying this shit anymore," I began, gesturing around the room for emphasis, "…so just call the producers or whoever so I can do whatever needs to be done to get off this stupid show. I'm sick of this bullshit. I just wanted to go home." I was too exhausted to be angry any more. I just wanted to return to my normal life and forget any of this ever happened.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

I gave an exasperated sigh. They still wanted to keep up with this pretense of a real life Akatsuki? Geeze, there was being committed but this was getting ridiculous. Just what was it going to take for them to drop this charade?

"Right, you're really the Jashin worshipping, S-ranked missing-nin Hidan. The same Hidan that became so infuriated after finding that his village Yugakure had gone from a shinobi village to a tourist site that he slaughtered everyone." I ranted bitterly, pointing an accusing finger at the white-haired man.

"And you're really Kakuzu, the man that used to be an elite ninja of Takigakure until a botched assassination attempt on Hashirama Senju leads him to being imprisoned by his village until he escaped and slaughtered the village elders, stealing their hearts and became an S-rank missing nin?" I continued, turning my accusing finger on the other man. "Bitch please…no one is that gullible."

An eerie silence fell over the room like a thick curtain before Hidan lunged at the bars of my prison cell, angrily rattling the unmoving poles with his hands. "How the fuck do you know all that bitch?!"

"Hidan…" Kakuzu warned. Once again he turned those green and red eyes on me, but this time they held a look of smoldering anger silently warning with a look of interest.

"Umm…I have an internet connection and I can read," I answered stepping further back into my cell. Having no desire to be within reaching distance of the clearly pissed of man swiping and clawing at me through the bars like an angry cat. "Look I said I was done with this show and I meant it. Now let me out of here so I can go home and forget this stupid nonsense."

"This is no show girl."

_I swear to god I'm going to punch someone._ "Fine, sure whatever…"I said through gritted teeth. "You got me, I totally fell for it…you win. Now can I go home?"

"You're not going anywhere."

"Yeah, you hear that bitch? You're going to rot in there, so be a good little bitch and we might let you out for some _play_ time." He began humping the air in front of him just in case I was unclear on what he meant by play.

"Hidan stop taunting her and give her that food."

"Fine you stupid geezer."

The forgotten bowl of rice gruel had landed on its side when it fell spilling some of its contents. Bending down Hidan scooped the bowl off the ground before sliding it through the bars. There wasn't much left that hadn't spilled out, but I didn't care the stuff was disgusting anyway.

* * *

Another couple of days passed and I found myself lying on the bed, which was being extremely generous given that it was a slab of rock with a thin layer of padding, looking up at the ceiling. How long had it been since I last had a drink? I couldn't recall the last time I had been sober for this many consecutive days. Fuck sobriety, if this was what life is like sober I'd drink until my liver exploded.

Things had been pretty boring. Everyday someone would bring me food and water, sometimes actual food and not just that gruel stuff. I nearly cried the first time Itachi brought me something that looked an apple, other than that though I was left alone to wallow in my own random thoughts. The main one for today being, what had I done to deserve this?

I was disrupted from my self-pitying thoughts by the sound of my cell door being opened. I didn't care who it was. Even a visit from that foul-mouthed idiot would have been welcome if it could put an end to this intense boredom. Seriously, even watching paint dry would have been entertaining at this point.

Sasori was standing beside the open door of my prison cell.

"Come"

Though the word had been spoken softly it had clearly been meant as a command. _Not like I had anything better to do._ Like an obedient puppy I jumped off the bed and trotted towards him.

"Obedient. Good." When I came up beside him he turned to leave, silently commanding me to follow with his body language.

_Fuck you Pinocchio. _My choices where following him or staying in this room by myself some more, of course I would choose to follow. If they wanted to mistake mind-numbing boredom for submissive-compliance so be it.

As Tobi had done several days previously Sasori lead me down a twisting series of hallways before stopping in front of a door. "Wash. Someone will be back to collect you in an hour." Confident that I would be completely complaisant to his command he left without another word.

_Hmm maybe I should use this opportunity to get the hell out of here._ It had been several days since my last shower and washing up sure sounded good. _Okay, shower then escape._ Resolved in my plan I pushed open the door, only to discover a wet Kisame in all his naked glory. I tore out of there like I was being shot at and ran down the hall.

Stopping, I fell to my knees and rested my forehead against the wall. "Oh…my…god…I just saw Kisame naked," I muttered out loud to myself. "There's not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that." The image of Kisame's wet, blue flesh was permanently seared into my mind.

"What are you doing un?"

I lifted my head to find Deidara looking down at me, a look of mild amusement in his visible blue eye. He turned his attention away from me focusing on something down the hall. "Did you scare her snaggletooth?"

"Fuck you Blondie, not my fault she got frightened by the sight of a real man."

_Where's a brain aneurysm when you need one?_ Accidentally walking in on Kisame had been embarrassing enough without listening to the two of them talk about it.

"You were supposed to be using the other bathroom. Konan already had this one stocked and ready for her."

"Whatever, the shits still in there…this bathroom was closer and I didn't feel like walking over to the other side." Kisame stopped talking to the blond and turned his attention on me. "It's all yours girlie…let me know if you want some help scrubbing your back," he playfully teased, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

_Yup, brain aneurysm..any time now._

"You'd better hurry. Sasori wasn't kidding when he said an hour."

* * *

I had barely finished with getting redressed when there was a knock on the bathroom door. If I had thought to do that less than an hour ago I wouldn't have the image of a wet, naked Kisame burned into my retinas. Opening the door revealed Itachi patiently waiting on the other side.

My heart leaped with joy when instead of leading me back to my cell he took me in the opposite direction. Perhaps we had reached the end of all this stupid bullshit and I would finally be able to go home. After everything they had put me through they would be lucky if I didn't threaten to sue their asses. Yes I could be petty.

We walked in silence until we reached a set of heavy wooden doors. "Leader-sama has asked to speak with you."

I was literally giddy with excitement. Finally after trying desperately to get these people to stop pretending we had made it to the big reveal. The first thing I was going to do when I got out of here was call up some friends, go to the nearest bar and drink until they kicked me out for dancing on the tables. Since I was no longer employed I knew I was going to have to be careful with my money, but fuck it I deserved to have a little fun.

Itachi pushed open the door and led me into a mysteriously darkened room. "She's here," he spoke into the blackness.

"Thank you Itachi, you may leave."

I soon found myself standing alone in this darkened room growing increasingly more nervous with each passing second. They were sure doing a great job with building up the suspense.

"Come here Amanda."

_It's called indoor lighting assholes._ How were they expecting me to navigate in the dark? Last time I checked I didn't have night vision eyes. As if hearing my silent complaint a series of torches lit, casting the room in an eerie glow. Pain sat behind a desk at the far end of the room. Tobi was casually leaning against one corner of the desk, his arms crossed over his chest.

I had expected them all to be here, but as these two could be considered the leaders of this organization in one way or another it made sense that they were here instead.

"It has been brought to our attention that you believe this has all been a show of some kind," Pain calmly began, steepling his fingers on the desk in front of him.

I had to bite my tongue in order to prevent from shouting, _fucking duh_, instead nodding my head once in agreement.

"You will cease in that belief."

"What? Are you high?" I snapped in rely before I could stop myself. "I'm not signing up for season 2 of this shit. Go find someone else."

The two men exchanged a look, or at least I assumed they did. With one of them wearing a mask it was difficult to tell.

"This is real girl." This time it was Tobi who spoke, his voice no longer childishly cheerful. It had been replaced by something that could easily put Kakuzu's deep, gravelly voice to shame. Even though I had known that he had a Hyde side to him it was still strange to hear it.

They were good. They were really good. I found myself almost believing them, almost. I'd admit they had a great cast, excellent costuming and superb make-up but I wasn't going to believe that anything this crazy could possibly be real. I mean they were cartoon characters for Christ sake.

"Oh don't spit on my cupcake and tell me its frosting." This had dragged out for far too long. It was time to put an end to the lie. "It's scientifically impossible for the Akatsuki or anything else from that same world to actually exist. Okay. You can pump me full of as many drugs as you like, I'm never going to believe that any of this is real because it can't be."

A gloved hand struck me hard across the face. "Your sharp tongue will only be tolerated to a point. The only reason you have not been turned into a gutless pile of flesh is because of the vital information you possess, you would do well to remember that."

"Tomorrow, you will be taken outside and shown just how _real_ this is."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**And thank you for the reviews, they inspire me to write more of this.**

**Any specific character information was taken from Narutopedia wiki/Narutopedia**


	4. Chapter 4

Just what in the hell was all that supposed to mean? How was being outside going to prove that all this stupid bullshit was real? For a reality show this one was certainly weird, and considering how stupid these shows could be that was saying something. After the rather foreboding conversation with Pain and Tobi I was once again locked inside an all too familiar prison cell, although I still didn't think the Akatsuki where real I was starting to feel more like a kidnap victim than an unwilling participant for cable TV.

Lying on the uncomfortable granite slab, which was only marginally better than the floor itself due to the thin layer of padding provided, I stared unseeing at the stone ceiling above me, my restless mind continually sifting through past events, trying to make any sense out of it.

Why were they so adamant about keeping up this façade? At first I had tried to play along, but when that didn't work I had flat-out told them that I knew none of this was real. When that hadn't been enough I had demanded to be let go, and still they persisted. For a while now my brain had been gnawing at me that something just wasn't quite right. The people, the costumes, even the landscape itself, it had all been too…perfect.

_Could this actually be…real?_

That was a completely ridiculous theory. How could imaginary characters in a fantasy world actually be real? The idea was so preposterous that it hardly warranted any consideration. The time I've spent in this place was starting to take a toll on my sanity. Still…

Pushing back the illogical impossibility of a cartoon world actually existing I allowed myself to look at things from that perspective that this was all in fact real. Unable to hold back a disgruntled sneer at the ludicrous notion despite my recent resolve I went about the task of mentally replaying past events. Even if there was the highly unlikely possibility that a parallel universe existed that somehow closely resembled the Naruto world, I still couldn't bring myself to believe that any of this had been real…and for a very distinct reason. I was still alive. Bored and painfully sober, but definitely very much alive. Although to bowls of wallpaper paste they insisted on feeding me often had me regretting that fact. Would it keep them to order a pizza once in a while?

Continuing to play with the idea that the world of an anime could genuinely exist, had I found myself with the Leaf, or perhaps to a lesser extent the Sand I might have stood a chance of surviving, but I had ended up among the Akatsuki, the notorious villainous organization of the show. That would have been like being the poor sap that got trapped in the alien nesting room full of hatching face-huggers. Okay, so maybe not an exact match, but the end result would be the same.

The Akatsuki were killers. They weren't called S-ranked criminals for nothing, and for each of them the title had been well-earned. The only thing that could have possible been worse would have been finding myself in Orochimaru's snake den with that creepy fucker Kabuto.

There wasn't anything special about me. Well I did have this weird double-jointed-ness with my elbows. The ligaments were looser than normal so I was able to bend them back slightly further than most people, but I seriously doubted that was the type of _special_ that would count for anything in a world like Naruto. I certainly wasn't a skilled ninja in any sense. Heck, I was the type of person that tripped on the stairs…while walking up them. So the chances of them wanting me to join their organization because of my elite fighting skills was somewhere between zero and zilch. Since I was already toying with preposterous ideas maybe the reason I hadn't been instantly killed was because the Akatsuki were all hopelessly in love with me? I was able to play with that thought for about 30 seconds before I doubled-over laughing so hard that tears were leaking from my eyes. Okay, now I was just being silly. The point was, however that no matter which way I looked at it I was basically useless to the Akatsuki. Well that is except for one thing…

When I had first found myself among these people, Pain had mentioned something about the information I possessed making me useful, later Tobi had mentioned the same thing. Was that the reason I was still alive? This was an organization full of elite killers with crazy super powers, would the fact that I had a little extra information on both the past and the present really be enough to save me from a gruesome death? It didn't really matter as this had all been hypothetical anyway. Cartoon people just couldn't be real, which was certainly a good thing because if my uselessness didn't get me killed my mouth certainly would.

Lifting myself off the bed I began pacing about the space like a caged animal. If none of this was real then there had to be a way out. Roughly I tested one of the iron bars that kept me in this cage, only to find it sturdy and unmoving. I had expected as much but what was the harm in trying. I went down the line testing each of them, finding the same results as the first.

"What are you doing?"

Sasori was standing a few feet from my cell; his eyes narrowed at me suspiciously. It felt too early for meal time, though I had no real way of keeping track and I had been allowed to shower recently so why was he here? During the conversation I had with Tobi and Pain, though one could hardly call it that…it was more like being talked at, they had mentioned something about…proving the reality of this by going outside? _Yeah, because I'm sure being outside is going to make all the difference._ _I wasn't buying this shit before but...oh no...we're outside? Shits getting real… _

"I asked you a question." Though his words were soft and monotone there was no denying the vicious bite lurking under the surface.

"I thought it was rhetorical." _I'm baking a cake you idiot, what does it look like I'm doing?_

"And here I thought you were an obedient prisoner…," he said with a lazy sigh of superiority.

Though each of them played their characters extremely well I was getting incredibly sick of the constant attitude from each of them. No longer caring about the ramifications such a gesture might bring I forcibly flipped him off.

The way he spoke, the way he moved it was as though being in the presence of someone like me was far beneath him. I was just something mildly entertaining for a period before being tossed away never to be thought of again. His dark eyes narrowed further at my extended finger but said nothing. Admittedly there was a part of me that was a little disappointed by that.

After flipping Sasori the bird I went about pacing the confined space I was trapped in searching for an exit that I might have missed. It would have been embarrassing to find there had been a trap door this whole time, but better to figure it out late than not at all. As I searched for an exit that likely didn't exist I returned to the task of mentally trying to make sense of all this. With each day that passed it seemed as though I had more questions than answers. What if I had been looking at this all wrong? What if I had guessed the source correctly but not the motive?

This was a reality TV show, but the goal wasn't to trick people into believing something absurd like anime characters coming to life. Perhaps the real goal was more psychological in nature. How much idiocy could a person put up with before they finally crack? That had to be grossly unethical, but it made far more sense than the Akatsuki being real flesh and blood people. _Well in most cases_ I thought, glancing at Sasori.

"If you're trying to escape you're wasting your time." Stepping forward he unlocked the door and swung it open. "Come."

Without bothering to wait he turned to leave. It seemed rather ironic given that he had just told me how I wouldn't be able to escape. As expected I obediently stepped out of my cage, but instead of following him I turned to head in the opposite direction. Since they seemed so insistent on keeping up this pretense perhaps I could find my own way out. Although he seemed completely indifferent he had apparently been paying closer attention to me than I realized. I was hardly able to take three steps when he turned to glare at me over his shoulder with cold, emotionless eyes.

"You can follow me or I can make you follow me. However, I will not give the option of choosing twice." He held my gaze a moment longer before resuming his earlier course.

For a moment my rebellious side flared to life, wanting to continue in the other direction purely out of spite. However, the memory of Itachi's shoulder digging painfully into my stomach as I screamed bloody murder rapidly had me changing my mind. I had a lousy sense of direction. If any plan to get away from these people was going to have any hope of being successful it would have to wait until I was outside anyway.

I was led through a serious of long passageways until eventually I found myself blinking in to the bright rays of the sun. Just like before I was immediately surrounded by a seemingly unending forest of trees covered in lush, green leaves. Enjoying the glorious feeling of warm light on my skin I lifted my arms above my head in a long, full body stretch, feeling the wonderful stretching of muscles and the delicious popping of vertebra.

"Alright let's get this song and dance over with," I muttered under my breath. I wasn't sure how being outside was going to somehow help in proving that this was real, but the sooner we got this over with the sooner I could be done with this inane bullshit.

"Ohhh! Tobi wants to play with Amanda-chan!" A black and orange blur burst from the trees and came charging towards me.

_Get the hell away from me you psycho!_

The bubbly, childish Tobi was back but it was hard to buy into the façade when one knew what was lurking behind the mask. With absolutely no respect for the concept of my personal space I soon found myself held in a pair of cloth-covered arms. "Let's go Amanda-Chan."

"Wait…what…?"

Before I could even think to protest Tobi's arm tightened around my waist like a steel band, holding me firmly at his side as he leaped back into the trees, leaving Sasori behind. He paused for a moment before picking a direction and flying off at speeds no human should have been able to accomplish without the aid of technology. A scream caught in my throat as I tried to logically rationalize how this could be happening.

"You haven't been drugged," a rich, gravelly voice from beside me answered to my unspoken conclusion.

This man was a phenomenal actor, the way he could switch between happy Tobi and scary Tobi without skipping a beat. Seemed kind of a waste for him to be using his talents for something like this, but I guess that was the thing with acting though, you went were the work was.

"The hell I haven't. There's no way you're going to trick me into believing that any of this impossible shit is real, so just cut the crap already and let me go home. Actually no, pay me first then let me go home. You fuckers have cost me my job, it's the least you could do."

"Haven't I warned you about that tongue?"

"The answer you're looking for here is yes right?" I questioned sarcastically.

Without slowing Tobi burst through an opening in the trees before landing silently in a small clearing where Pain and…Deidara…waited patiently. Pain I half expected, but Deidara? What was his role in all of this?

"Tobi has brought Amanda-Chan here to play…Tobi is a good boy."

"Good. Sit there Amanda," Pain commanded pointing at the trunk of a nearby tree.

"Might as well get this over with…" I muttered, plunking myself down in the spot Pain had indicated, curious to find what they had planned as proof that this was real.

"A demonstration of ninjutsu should be sufficient to put an end to your belief that all this is…some kind of TV show as you put it," Pain explained, offering a small nod to Deidara.

The blond man reached into a pouch at his side and let his hand linger inside it. After a couple of seconds he removed his hand and something white seemed to literally crawl out of his palm. The white object turned into a bird which fluttered around for a moment before being joined by several identical looking clay birds. Without so much as a chirp or a squawk among them the white birds flew up into a large nearby tree, perching amongst the thick branches. I watched on in awe, this was certainly better than the rabbit out of the hat routine.

"Art is an explosion un!" Deidara shouted before weaving his hands in a series of signs that were far too quick to follow.

The tree that housed the white little bird exploded in a shower of fire and splintered wood, leaving nothing behind but a charred hole. I could still feel the heat of it licking at my skin and my ears where ringing from the deafening sound. What the hell had just happened? Whatever it was, it was fucking dangerous and I wasn't sticking around for an encore.

I did the only thing I could think of, it wasn't logical but I ran. I ran until my legs hurt and my lungs burned and still I pushed myself forward. There had to be people, a road, a building or something somewhere. Something that could help get me away from this psycho reality TV nonsense.

As I continued to run I tripped over a broken and wore stone step that seemed incredibly out of place. It appeared to be the final remains of an ancient building that had long since been destroyed. The last remaining pieces of crumbling old steps the only evidence it had ever existed. As I studied the stones trying to guess as to who might have built such a thing I noticed a dark, wet stain running down some of the stones. Gingerly I dipped a finger into the mysterious liquid only to have it come back red, the coppery scent of pennies wafting up to my nose. Blood?

Fighting off the wave of nauseating panic that washed over me at the sight of so much blood I followed the crimson rivers back to their source with my eyes. There at the top of the crumpling remains, lying in the middle of a bloody pentagram was a lifeless, blood soaked Hidan. Dead, lifeless eyes staring unseeing up to the sky, a vicious looking black spear embedded in his heart. It looked so real that I found myself fighting against the urge to either pass out or throw-up at the sight.

When those previously lifeless eyes blinked I nearly jumped out of my skin. A blood-curdling scream torn from my throat as my muscles froze with fear. All I could do was stare in wide-eyed terror before dashing off like a terrified bunny. _Make-up…it was just make-up_ I repeated to myself in an effort to calm the jackhammering of my heart.

Even if it was staged I wanted to put as much distance between myself and the gruesome scene as possible. However, I was only able to make it a couple of feet when suddenly I felt on odd tugging on my arms and legs that rendered me motionless. Looking over my shoulder I saw Sasori, a number of glittering, blue threads coming out of his fingertips.

"So predictable," he sighed.

I struggled to get away but my body would not obey my commands. Panic began to race through me. First the exploding birds, then Hidan's lifeless body coming back to life, now this… My brain was frantically scrambling to make sense of any of it all. None of it should have been possible. I had to be hallucinating it was the only logical explanation…but it felt so real.

"I told trying to escape was a waste of time."

Against my will my body turned and started walking towards Sasori on its own, his fingers moving slightly with each involuntary step. My heart pounded against my ribcage like a caged thing gone mad. This couldn't be happening…they were cartoon characters for Christ sake, they weren't real. Despite the illogical impossibility of it, the landscape, the costuming, the characters, their abilities, it all added up to this being real.

_No…that doesn't make any sense. Cartoon can't become real.  
_

If they were real then I had been snapping smart-alecky remarks and mouthing off to…a bunch of killers. The blood drained from my face at the thought. This just couldn't be real…it just couldn't be. "No…you're not really Sasori…the S-ranked missing-nin from Sunagakure's Puppet Brigade. The man who secretly kidnapped the third Kazekage at age fifteen and turned him into a puppet…or the same Sasori that transferred his own heart into a puppet to in order to increase his own offensive capabilities and prolong his own life… You can't be him. You can't!"

"Interesting…perhaps Leader-sama was correct in keeping you alive after all."

* * *

**Thanks for reading :)**

**I felt like I struggled with this chapter a bit, so I don't feel its my best work.**

**Hopefully the next one will be better**

**Until next time...**


	5. Chapter 5

_This isn't real…this isn't real…_ My mind kept repeating those words over and over in an endless loop, hoping in vain that if I repeat them enough it would somehow make them true. It didn't make them true. No matter how many times I repeated the words I was still trapped in wonderland. I had gone completely numb, trapped within my own erratic thoughts. Everything around me became a nonsensical blur as my brain refused to make any coherent sense of the sensory information it received. Vaguely I remembered Hidan…or was it Deidara…making an appearance but I couldn't be sure.

"_What's wrong with her un?" _

If the voice was right beside me or far away I could no longer tell. I was barely able to recognize the sounds as language but I was too stupefied to attempt to respond. Time seemed to stop, the only noise I could hear was the sound of blood rushing through my ears.

My world no longer made sense. I was stuck in a place that by all logic should not exist. Was this what madness felt like? For I truly must be mad to believe a cartoon world could somehow cross into the realm of reality. How had I ended up here? Could I get back? Had I been injured? Had I died? An endless tidal wave of questions flooded through my mind, for which I could find no answers.

"_Some kind of shock…"_

My logical brain fought ferociously against the impossible truth it faced, refusing to accept the inconceivable reality. It grasped and clawed at anything that could rationally explain the situation I found myself in no matter how weak or impractical. Drugs…head injury…dreams… I wanted to cling to the idea that this truly was just a reality TV show, and I would eventually be free to return home once it had reached its conclusion.

I wouldn't be free though. I was trapped here indefinitely with no chance of rescue. If anyone back home was to report me as missing, my case would go unsolved. Who would think to look for a missing person in a fantasy world? An overwhelming sense of depression and dread fell on me like a great crushing weight.

I didn't want to deal with this, I wanted to close my eyes and pretend it had all magically gone away. That everything had fixed itself and I was back home, back in my old life.

* * *

The creaking sound of poorly lubricated metal shattered the fragile world I'd wrapped myself in sending me tumbling back to reality. Dry eyes blinked lazily as familiar surroundings of grey stone came into focus. I was back in my cell? When had that happened?

Suddenly I felt a rapid blur of movement before my vision filled with the sight of something black and red. My feet could no longer feel the ground and yet I was somehow moving forward. My body swayed slightly with each step as something hard pressed against my stomach.

"Come on girlie…you've sulked long enough."

"I'm not sulking," I protested indignantly. I lifted my head only to discover that I was an alarming distance from the ground. Instantly I shut my eyes to stop the wave of vertigo that washed over me.

"You've done nothing but sit there for the past three days…what would you call it?"

It had been three days? Since the events that took place outside I couldn't recall the passage of a single day let alone three. "Sorry I'm not mentally equipped to handle the discovery of cartoons becoming real," I commented dryly.

It was true; I wasn't mentally equipped to deal with anything like this. Who could possibly be prepared to cope with something as impossible as this? I was at the mercy of a world I had no power in. No family, no financial stability and worst of all no way of effectively defending myself. If these people ever decided to kill me I was as good as dead.

"Ha-ha Whatever"

Unceremoniously I was dropped into a chair with an ungraceful thump; a steaming bowl of broth shoved in front of me. I blinked rapidly in a pointless attempt to clear the cobwebs in my head and took in my surroundings. A wooden table surrounded by elements that could have been a kitchen came into focus. I couldn't recall seeing this room before, although I couldn't recall much of anything lately.

"Eat," a monotone voice ordered.

I stared blankly at the white wisps of steam that curled off the hot liquid in the bowl in front of me before disappearing into nothingness. Even though it had apparently been three days I wasn't interested in food, I still felt too numb to eat. Despair sat like a heavy rock in stomach blocking any sensation of hunger.

"If you don't eat we will force it down your throat."

Though the thought of being force-fed was rather unpleasant I still couldn't bring myself to eat what had been placed before me. My stomach gave a nauseated churn at the very thought of trying to ingest…anything.

"Lucky for you girlie our leader was quite insistent we keep you alive, which means starving yourself isn't an option." Strong fingers pressed against my jaw as the hot bowl of broth was brought to my lips. "So come on…down the hatch."

I sputtered and coughed uncontrollably as the unwanted liquid forced its way into my mouth and down my throat. Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to clear some of the fluid that had bypassed my esophagus and had gone to my lungs. "What the fuck?!," I stammered between fits of coughing.

When the bowl came towards my lips a second time I viciously swiped at it with my hand like an enraged cat. Unfortunately the blue hand that held the bowl was stronger than my feeble attempts to knock it away. Once again the hot, slightly chicken-ish tasting broth poured past my pried open jaws and into my esophagus.

"Kisame…"

"What? She wasn't eating so I decided to help her."

As the forced meal made its way into my stomach something in me snapped. The overwhelming sense of dread that had been consuming me morphed into an inundated rage. I just wanted to be left alone to wallow selfishly in my own misery and pretend that none of this was happening. Apparently I couldn't be allowed even that small freedom. "You massive asshole!" I shouted angrily. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm not hungry!"

A deep chuckle resonated through the little kitchen I found myself in. "See Itachi, I told you if we provoked her enough we'd get her to snap out of it." Strong fingers tilted my head forcing me to look into the blue, gilled face of Kisame. "And I don't recall asking if you were."

"Just be careful Kisame. Our orders are to make sure she eats not to have her choke on her food," Itachi impassively reminded Kisame with a bored sigh.

"Yeah, yeah…"

The nearly drained bowl of broth moved towards my lips for a third time. I struggled desperately to turn my head away, but those same strong fingers held it in place. Once again liquid poured into my mouth before sliding down my throat as if I'd never protested at all. When the broth hit my stomach I was caught between the sensation of rapidly growing hunger and the need to vomit.

As my stomach churned uncomfortably a small dish of plain rice was placed on the table before me. Apparently this torture wasn't going to end with the broth. Just how many courses where they planning to force down my throat? Why were they so insistent on feeding me today anyway? I wasn't going to intentionally starve myself…I was just too lost in thought to worry about eating right now.

When a large blue hand placed the now empty bowl of broth back on the table and reached for the dish of rice I began to struggle with renewed ferocity. "Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"Heh Sorry girlie, our orders are to get you fed whether you like it or not."

"Fuck you fishface! I don't need some fictional character telling me what to do!" I angrily spat back. Rage was warring with fear and confusion and was rapidly gaining ground. A part of me was screaming to keep quiet, to not draw unnecessary attention. This was real and rude, snappish remarks could wind up costing me my life. Unfortunately that soft voice of self-preservation was locked into the further recesses of my mind as my anger grew.

"Don't get me wrong, I thought it was high time you started showing some proper fear…but it's good to see the old feisty version back. She was more entertaining," Kisame teased, his lips pulling back into a large grin revealing two rows of sharp, pointed teeth as he placed the dish of rice back on the table.

"Yes…well that was my fucking goal all along, to make sure you bastards are entertained. Never mind that my life has been completely destroyed or that my brain is collapsing in on itself trying to figure any of this unimaginable shit out. No, the important thing is that you're all amused." Vaguely I was aware of the voice of self-preservation shrieking in the back of my mind, begging me to stop talking. _Shut up you idiot. Are you trying to get them to kill you? _Contrary to how it might seem I didn't have a death wish. As I tumbled through the turbulent storm of overwhelming confusion I clung to the one thing that was familiar…anger. Unfortunately this often resulted in a loose tongue.

"Eat"

Itachi's monotone voice brought me out of my internal banter, reminding me why I was sitting at this table. I gazed disinterested at the white grains piled in the small dish. I could only guess that they had chosen simple foods to avoid rejection after three days without eating. However, I was no doctor for all I knew they were just out of that awful gruel gunk. _Well that's one blessing at least._

"I vote to be the one to help her bathe if she's still not cooperative later…," Kisame taunted, shoving a set of chopsticks into my hand.

For the briefest of seconds I entertained the thought of viciously stabbing him with them. Thankfully I did have some self-preservation in control and did not even attempt the futile action. Whether or not he had been joking I wasn't entirely sure. Though I wasn't terribly interested in eating I liked the prospect of Kisame bathing me like a two-year old even less. Thankfully a lot of my friends were really into going out for Sushi so I had learned how to handle chopsticks…though somewhat clumsily.

"Not that I mind the view, but when are we going to be finished with babysitting and be off on a real mission?" Kisame questioned, presumable to Itachi. "I've been itching for a fight."

"Hn"

Lazily I picked up a few white grains and placed them in my mouth, chewing indifferently for longer than was necessary. "Why don't you and the great conversationalist here just take off on a mission now?" _Oh why don't you just lunge across the table and pathetically attack one of them since you're so determined to get yourself killed._

"Hah and leave you free to escape? Not happening."

"And just where the fuck would I go?" Yup, it was official…my common sense was on a vacation. Realistically I should just be consuming my meager little meal quietly, like a good little prisoner but I just couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. Where would I go? I had no idea what direction anything was in, I couldn't travel fast and it wasn't like I would just randomly run into someone friendly like Naruto.

"We can't have you running to one of the shinobi villages," Kisame warned, tousling my hair before I angrily swatted his hand away.

"The information you contain is quite invaluable and any shinobi village would likely take you in to have you for their own benefit."

_Holy shit, was that a whole sentence?_ Great so in other words my destiny while I was trapped in this god forsaken world was to be some sort of information well to whoever held me prisoner? I was really wishing I hadn't said anything about knowing anything from this place. _Yeah and if you hadn't you'd be enjoying your new career as floor polish right now. _Unfortunately it was true, the information I held was probably the only thing keeping me alive right now, not only alive, but surrounded by a criminal organization determined to keep me that way…for the time being anyway.

_Who knew that remembering details from an anime would literally save my life one day? And people said it was a waste of time. Hah!_

Aside from the obvious fact that this was a cartoon world and therefore none of this should be happening, this whole situation was pretty weird. For an organization filled with ruthless murderers and killers they were being unusually nice to me. Not that my treatment had been in any way luxurious…just better than what I would have expected from a group like the Akatsuki. Why waste the effort of food and routine hygiene when they could easily just torture what they wanted out of me?

"Why bother with any of this?" I questioned, lazily gesturing to the dish of rice and the kitchen around me, my curiosity getting the better of me before I could bite my tongue. _Yup..question why they aren't torturing you. That's real smart._

Kisame gave a nonchalant shrug of his large, cloak covered shoulders. "Heh…orders are orders."

"Konan has also suggested that you may be more…cooperative if we allow you basic necessities."

_Trust the Uchiha to pick up on what I was actually asking._

Though I'd hardly ever met the blue haired woman I apparently had her to thank for a lot of things. Maybe she was more compassionate because she was a woman, but I highly doubted it. Woman or not she could be just as shrewd and cunning as any man. Keeping me docile just made me easier to deal with. It was somewhat amusing to learn that their basic plan was apparently to wait for Stockholm syndrome to set in though.

"God I need a drink…" I muttered out loud to myself. This was neither the time nor the place to be thinking about alcohol, in fact it was probably number one on the list of worst things I could possibly do, but damn it I really wanted a drink.

"You drink?"

"Like a poet on payday." Maybe I was an alcoholic…but all things considered it was probably the least of my worries now. Besides getting shit-faced and pretending none of this was real felt like an awesome plan. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately, I was cognitive enough to know that it was a terrible idea.

"Interesting…" From the mischievous look in his small, white eyes Kisame was clearly plotting something. Unfortunately Itachi was having no part in it. Which was probably for the best, with the emotional state I was in I was already having enough trouble controlling my tongue and I severely doubted getting drunk was going to help that any.

"We're not giving her alcohol Kisame."

"Well maybe not right now…but perhaps another time."

"Hn"

Clumsily I used the chopsticks to pluck up a few more grains of rice before placing them in my mouth. My stomach was slowly starting to feel better now that it had some food, but I still wasn't all that interested in eating. Logically I should have been consuming this meal with gusto because for all I knew they might not be feeding me again for a while, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.

My pervious anger was slowly fading and was being replaced by an acute sense of depression once again. Perhaps another Naruto-fan would have been more gleeful about having the opportunity to _hang out_ with characters from the show, but I just wanted to go home. The thought that I might never see home again was definitely aiding in my gloomy mood.

"Hurry it up girlie…we haven't got all day," Kisame said, stabbing a finger at the still mostly full dish of rice.

"I have a name you know," I commented back as I ungracefully pick up more rice to satisfy his angry glare.

"And? I care?," he teased once again tousling my hair with his large, blue hand. I tried to swat his hand away but he easily dodged. Tousling my hair once again just because he knew it annoyed me.

"Kisame…"

"Yeah,yeah…"

* * *

Once I had finished what they had deemed to be a sufficient amount of food I was lead back to the familiar stone walls of my little prison cell and locked inside. A fresh wave of depression washed over me at the thought of this being my home now, but I forced it back. As much as I wanted to I couldn't allow myself to drown in self-pity at every turn.

Sitting on the uncomfortable bed I wrapped the scratchy blanket around my shoulders in an effort to fight off the slight chill I felt. Pulling my legs to my chest I rested my chin on top of my knees and stared out into the grey nothingness beyond the bars of my prison. "Geeze Amanda, just how the hell did you get yourself into this one?"

Out of all the people this could have happened to why had it happened to me? I suppose wishing this on another person was incredibly selfish but I felt I was entitled to a little selfishness right now.

_Heh maybe I'll get to meet Kakashi _I thought in a pathetic attempt to cheer myself up. It wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility, though I wasn't going to hold my breath. Beside, even if by some strange miracle I did get to meet the Leaf ninja it still didn't fix the problem that I was somehow stuck here.

The increasingly familiar creaking sound of my cell door being opened tore me from my thoughts. Although I had been staring at the bar this entire time I apparently hadn't been seeing anything. When I blinked my eyes back into focus I saw bright orange hair and a heavily pierce face.

Instantly my gut sank with a heavy sense of dread. I wasn't sure why he had come but it was a pretty safe bet that he wasn't here to ask me if I wanted cupcakes.

Stepping into my cell he locked the door behind him, his purple ringed eyes cutting into me as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"What do you know of Sunagakure?"

* * *

**Thanks for reading**

**Until next time…**


	6. Chapter 6

_Crap_

Why was he asking about the sand village? Was he planning to send Deidara and Sasori after Gaara? Where exactly in the Naruto storyline was I? Had my presence here somehow altered the original storyline for this world? Could I change anything or would events play out as they had in the show regardless of what I did? Would events even be the same as the ones from the anime? So many questions were flashing through my brain I thought my head would explode.

They had practically beaten me over the head with the fact that the only reason I was still alive was because of the knowledge I possess, so I shouldn't be surprised that he would ask me something that could lead to the Akatsuki accomplishing its goals. The thought that I could potential be used to help collect the jinchūriki made me feel sick. However, having no idea _when_ we were as far as the narutoverse storyline went, I couldn't be certain it was the jinchūriki that he as after. Perhaps there was some other reason for his interest in the sand village…but what? _Whatever the reason was it probably wasn't because he was keen on sand._

I didn't have a lot of love for Sunagakure, most of the people there could go suck it as far as I was concerned, but Gaara and his siblings I would hate to see harmed. My dislike of the village stemmed mainly from the treatment Gaara had received as a child. However, it was one thing to hold an imaginary grudge against cartoons, no one got hurt, but these where real people now, people that could end up being brought to harm depending on what information I gave to the Akatsuki.

"Uhh…Sunagakure…hot, lots of sand…the 4th Kazekage was kind of a dick…" I finally answered after a lengthy pause.

"I'm not here to play games girl." His voice was low and calm, but the anger within it radiated throughout the small stone space.

_Seriously? The only one that actually uses my name is the orange mask wearing psychopath?_

"Well then either be specific or pull up a chair because we're going to be here a while," I dryly replied. _Yeah, piss off one of the bosses…that'll turn out well for you I'm sure. _Though I may have appeared easy-going about it the truth was I was terrified.

Unfortunately I was going to have to tell him something; my life now depended on it. As much as I would like to believe that I am the noble, sacrifice myself for the greater good type the truth is I am a massive coward. Pretending to be a hero is a lot different from actually having to be one. If it came down to either saving myself or others, I'd pick myself. A dishonorable truth perhaps, but at least I was honest. I just hoped it wouldn't come to that, coward or not I didn't want people harmed because of me.

To my surprise he crossed the short distance to the raised granite slab and took a seat on my bed, arms once again crossed over his chest, ringed purple eyes burrowing into me.

_And just like that sleeping on that thing has become awkward…_

He sat there fixing me with a cold, calculating glare but said nothing. Was he serious? Did he actually expect me to tell him _everything_ I knew about the sand village? _Damn you internet._ "Alright so, Sunagakure was founded by its first Kazekage, who used his considerable powers to gather the desert dwelling shinobi under his control. Since its founding the village has…"

"Enough," he angrily spat. "That information is of no use to me."

_Okay so he wants something specific from me but won't specify what…great, I didn't need sleep anyway. _"Last time I checked I wasn't a mind reader. Why don't you just tell me what it is you want to know?"

An open hand struck me hard across the face, my cheek burning painfully from the impact. Geeze, these people sure had a thing for slapping me. "You've been warned about that tongue girl. Do not think that because we won't kill you for now that you can't be harmed."

I thought of just how much a person could physically survive without and instantly paled. So far my slight obsession with the anime had granted me an _avoid insta-death_ card but that didn't mean I was safe. Images of my fingers being cut off or my eyes being gauged out passed through my over active imagination making me feel nauseated. I took a slow deep breath to try to calm myself, the hot, burning sting from the slap still pulsating on my cheek.

"Apologies but I am not a ninja nor am I a tactician. If you ask me to tell you what I know I will take that question in its literal interpretation and…tell you what I know," I nervously replied, struggling to keep the biting sarcasm out of my tone. Hopefully I sounded sincere and demure enough to appease his growing wrath.

Although I could hazard a guess as to what he might have been after I wasn't entirely confident I could provide it. I did know a little about the village, but nothing that might be considered useful such as, specific defenses, internal layouts, and exploitable weak points. Heck I wasn't even sure where the sand siblings lived in the village…and I actually liked those characters. _Ironic…I'm going to be killed for not paying enough attention to a cartoon._ I'd of laughed if the thought wasn't so frightening. Come to think of it why didn't he just ask Sasori? The guy had actually lived in the sand village after all.

A deep masculine sigh brought me out of my thoughts and back to the present. Pain was studying me very closely his facial feature schooled into an unrecognizable expression. The silence that filled the room was so heavy I felt as though I might be crushed by it. "Indeed you are not. What do you know of the civilians?"

_Umm…fuck and all? _Damn it! He could have asked me about the shinobi at least. Now I was going to have to try to bullshit my way through this. "Traders and merchants mostly, since they're in a desert climate and water is too scarce to support an extensive horticultural industry…" I really had no idea what I was talking about. If this went on for much longer I was going to have to pull out moisture farmers and hope to god it was applicable in this universe.

"Would you say they're accepting of strangers?"

_How the fuck should I know? _Where the hell was he going with this? When he had asked me what I knew about Sunagakure I hadn't expected to be grilled on the civilians and whether or not they liked people. "The village tends to have rather isolationist tendencies so they may be somewhat suspicious of new arrivals. They are heavily dependent on trade and often take a neutral stance in inter-village dealings so I doubt they turn travellers away out right without a reason." If he went to verify any of this with Sasori I was probably screwed.

One would think that discovering that anime characters had somehow turned into real people would have been smacking the bottom of the weird barrel, but apparently it wasn't.

"I'm sending Deidara, Sasori…and you to Sunagakure. There you will infiltrate the village as a civilian and gather information on its jinchūriki."

I think my jaw literally hit the floor. _The hell?_ After all their talk of keeping me prisoner so I couldn't escape to another village they were just going to throw me into one? Why bother sending me anyway? I wasn't trained; I'd stick out like a duck among the pigeons. "Are you sure that's wise?" I questioned uncertainly. I was a Westernized civilian with no exposure to the type of violence people in this world encountered on a daily basis, and they wanted to just go ahead and through me in as a spy?

"Sasori and Deidara will provide backup should it be required," he calmly explained before narrowing his eyes at me dangerously, "or capture you should you try to escape."

"Yeah, yeah…escape is futile and all that, you've made that abundantly clear. However, you may have overlooked one small but ever so important detail. I am not a ninja and I have no formal training as a spy. As much as I'd love to save my skin by being useful I just don't think I'm qualified for this job."

"You're lack of being a ninja means you are less likely to draw attention. You also have no known affiliation with us making you the perfect candidate for this mission."

As far as this world knew I had no known affiliations with anyone. _Perfect candidate my ass!_ _When the hell did I go from class pet to active participant for this group? _

I suppose there was some logic there but it still sounded pretty weak to me. Beside chances where a hundred to one that I'd actually run into the jinchūriki, who I assumed was Gaara. Even if the stars somehow lined up correctly or made the proper tribute to whatever deity was necessary and I did actually run into him what was I supposed to do? I'm pretty sure asking him to write his schedule, frequent travel routes and a list of things he's vulnerable to might be seen as a tad suspicious.

"With all due respect, I still don't think…"

"This decision is final," he replied, his voice ringing with authority. "Now get some rest you leave in the morning." Without further ado he left my cell and made sure I was securely locked inside before disappearing out of sight.

My head was spinning. One minute they were forcing me to eat so I couldn't starve myself to death the next they were sending me out on some mission that I was grossly under qualified for? Dusting off the invisible dirt from where Pain had sat I curled up on my little prison bed and went to sleep. Hoping to dream of a time when my life made sense.

* * *

A cool wind whipped my long dark hair around causing me to shiver as my tired body began to float back into consciousness. I curled in on myself in an effort to keep warm as I fumbled to search for my thin scratchy blanket. My normally gloomy prison cell was usually bright as warm light pierce through my eyelids. Another cool wind licked at my exposed skin causing me to redouble my efforts at staying warm. The chances of falling back asleep now gone I sleepily blinked open my eyes and nearly swallowed my own heart.

_Too high…much too high._ We were high above the ground, flying through the air on something large and white. Momentarily frozen by fear I cautiously looked around as though my neck where in a brace, my hands in a white-knuckled death grip on the ground beneath me. Deidara calmly stood on a slightly elevated round mound in front of me, his blond hair lashing about behind him. _Am I on one of Deidara's flying birds?_

"You can relax. Even if Deidara's flying were to knock you off I could easily catch you in my puppet strings…" said a unnervingly tranquil voice behind me.

In no way did that help me to relax. I preferred to do my flying in planes not on some type of giant flying clay bird, that had no seatbelts, no railings nothing to stop you from plummeting to a painful death. Wait…how did I get on this thing anyway?_ He didn't…_

"Son of a bitch," I cried turning to face Sasori. "You did you're puppet thing on me again didn't you?" I took a deep, calming breath in order to repel the sense of panic that had consumed me the first time he had used his chakra strings on me. It was incredibly alarming that I apparently slept deep enough for him to dance me around like a marionette without me noticing.

"Puppet thing?" Sasori questioned quietly, arching an auburn eyebrow at me. "Yes, I did. Waiting for you to regain consciousness and get ready would have taken too much time."

Was he serious? Too much time, really? It would have taken three seconds. I'm pretty sure they could have spared a couple of seconds to wake me up. It's not like they'd had to wait for me to do my hair and make-up or anything. _Bastards._

"Sasori no Dana doesn't like to be late un," Deidara replied over his shoulder from his position on the clay bird's head.

"Riiight…wouldn't want to be late for this soon to be epic cluster-fuck of a mission that your leader is foolishly sending me on." I mean seriously, "no one will recognize you" is the best he could come up with? Why don't I just paint a bull's-eye on my chest now so the sand shinobi will know where to throw the kunai?

"I do not entirely agree with his choice, but I do understand his reasoning…" Sasori replied dispassionately. He obviously saw the illogic of sending me on this mission but either loyalty or curiosity had him obeying Pain's orders.

"Reasoning? His reasoning is about as sturdy as a wet Weetabix," I cracked back before slapping a hand over my mouth, as I realized just who I was talking about. Fake leader or not it probably wasn't a good idea to insult the man in front of other Akatsuki members. _Good going Amanda. How in the bloody hell do I keep forgetting these people can kill me?_

It wasn't that I forgot it was just that I had immense difficulty biting my tongue, and I had a long list of firings to prove it. Though being fired from a job was greatly different from pissing off someone who was likely going to kill you for it.

"It's not really your place to question him is it," Sasori warned.

I bowed my head and gave a low nod.

The further we traveled the hotter it became. Sweat began to pour from my brow as the blazing sun burned overhead, evaporating every trace of moisture out the air. I could already feel my exposed skin starting to turn pink in the intense heat. Pale people just aren't equipped to deal with prolonged desert sun exposure.

There was a slight bump as Deidara landed his giant clay bird on the ground, commanding it to dip its head to make it easier to climb off. If it wasn't such a cliché I would have fallen to my knees and kissed the sandy ground.

There were a few rocky projections scattered here and there, but other than that the land was flat and barren. There wasn't a single cactus in sight just an unending wasteland of hot, blistering sand. Overhead the torrid desert sun burned down on us with an unforgiving heat.

"Here put these on," Deidara declared, tossing a cloth bundle at me.

The bundle consisted of simple beige desert robes, a traveling pack, sandals, and a shawl to cover my head. I didn't want to think of how or why they had these clothes because I was pretty sure they didn't just go to the store. Well it wasn't covered in blood so that was a good sign at least…right?

Figuring I'd probably tested my luck enough already I obediently changed into the provided desert clothing. Though it was a little scratchy, the material was definitely better suited to the warm climate. It was nowhere near the luxury of air conditioning, but I did feel a little cooler, although sweat still poured in steady droplets down my face.

"The entrance to the village is that way," Sasori explained, pointing a wooden finger to my left.

"So…should I just make myself a sign that reads, Totally Not a Spy and hope they don't murder my ass the second I walk through the gates? Or is there a better plan, because that's all I got."

"You are hopeless un," Deidara laughed.

Sasori gave an exasperated sigh, clearly growing tired of my antics. "You are an unarmed civilian lost in the desert. They will be obligated to grant you entry to the village and render aid."

I seriously wanted to call bullshit because a lone traveler suddenly popping up out of nowhere sounded pretty damn suspicious to me. However, since I really had no choice, no matter how stupid I thought this plan was, I turned to the direction Sasori had indicated and began walking towards Sunagakure leaving to two Akatsuki members behind.

* * *

"Straight ahead we have sand…to your right we have sand…and to your left we have…you guess it more sand." I muttered to myself as I walked along the barely visible path. The climate was so unbearably hot; I couldn't understand why anyone would willingly live in a place like this. The path seemed to stretch for miles and every single step felt like I had taken ten.

_Couldn't have dropped me off a little closer?_

As I had a hundred times already I once again questioned what I was doing on this mission that I was definitely not prepared for. What information was I supposed to get? How was I supposed to get it? I wasn't cut out for this type of shit. Why not send someone more qualified. My eyes widened as a realization hit me like a brick to the face. _Oh crap._

It was possible that because I had information Pain believed that I was good at collecting it. Had I come from this world that would have been a reasonable conclusion but I didn't. I just knew what I did thanks to anime, manga and the internet and typing Gaara into a search engine was a lot different than actually trying to gather information from him directly.

I am so screwed.

Walking through the sun-scorched desert my frustration and anger began to rise with my increasing body temperature. I should be back home, back to where things where normal and made sense. Not in this crazy, fictional world where I was held prisoner by a team of psychopaths, and certainly not marching to my death in this blazing inferno… It was just too damn hot, and I was so thirsty. I searched frantically through the little travel bag for a canteen, a water bottle, a wet sponge…anything, but found nothing. _Those fucking bastards!_ They had sent me to walk through the desert without any water.

Frustration reached a boiling point as I fell to my knees, fingers clawing at the sandy ground as I struggled to fight back angry tears. I wasn't a crier but damn it I was dirty, I was frustrated, I was scared…and worst of all I was severely overheated with no water! Every possible thing that was horrible about being trapped in this fucking appalling world came crashing on me wave after miserable wave until I just wanted to scream.

Unable to hold them back the tears began to leak unhindered from my eyes, carving little, wet trails through my dust-covered cheeks before quietly dropping to the sandy ground below. The fact that I was crying now only served to increase my frustration which in turn caused more tears to flow.

"Hey? Are you okay?" a concern male voice asked.

_Do I fucking look okay?_ I harshly rubbed my eyes with my sleeve to clear away the tears and hopefully all sign of my emotional melt down. Looking up I saw a man wearing a black hood with cat-like ears and purple paint decorating his face. Kankuro? This was unexpected. I certainly didn't think I'd actually run into any recognizable characters. If only I had this type of luck with the lottery back home. _Home_. Still emotionally raw the word stung, tears once again threatening to pour from my eyes at the slightest provocation.

"Are you lost? It's not safe for a pretty girl like you to be out here alone."

* * *

**Yay another chapter done. Sorry, no Kisame this time :(  
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**Thanks for reading and thank you for the reviews.  
**

**Until next time...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Another chapter finally, sorry it's been a while. I've been busy with assignments and final exams so I haven't had much time for story writing unfortunately.**

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Scrunching my eyes closed tightly as though I could physically block the tears from flowing I struggled to push back all the negative emotions currently festering within my mind. Whether or not I would ever make it back home I didn't know, but for now there was nothing I could do. Besides, real or not I never wanted anyone's first impression of me to be, _that crying girl_. I stared silently at the warm, dry ground beneath me now spotted with my wet tears trying to get enough control over myself to respond.

A sudden weight pressed on my shoulder. I looked up to see Kankuro's concerned face inches away from my own, a look of worry pouring from his chestnut-brown eyes. Without a word he reached into a satchel at his side pulled out a canteen and offered it to me.

Grateful, I took his offering greedily swallowing the cool water desperate to quench the thirst that been consuming me. My parched throat was rapidly gulping down mouthful after mouthful of the lovely, life giving liquid as quickly as I could before I managed to stop myself. He had been kind; it wouldn't be fair for me to take his entire supply of water for myself.

Although my throat ached for more I reluctantly handed the canteen back to him before I emptied it entirely. "Thank you," I managed to response with a weak smile, though my voice still felt chalky and dry.

"That's better," he smiled, the purple paint covering his lips creating a humours expression on his face. He moved his hand from my shoulder and used a single finger to wipe a remaining tear from my eye. "You're prettier without the tears."

_Laying it on a little thick there Romeo?_

Seemingly satisfied with himself he took a small step back, putting a bit of distance between us before once again crouching down in front of me.

"What are you doing out here alone?" he questioned, poised to give me the lecture on the dangers of desert life no doubt. "Are you lost?"

_Nah just thought I'd increase my chances of melanoma for giggles._ Unless Sasori had been screwing with me I wasn't really lost _per se_…but he didn't need to know that. I fought to keep my emotions from spilling out through my eyes once again. It was embarrassing enough that he had caught me crying already, I didn't need him catching me crying a second time. Unfortunately the hot, desert sun overhead was not helping to sooth my raw, overly frustrated state.

Although I was terrified of dying I was seriously questioning whether being hacked to pieces by Hidan would have been far better than baking to death in this intense heat. Once again the monstrously poor planning of this mission came readily into view. What was I supposed to say? Some psychotic fuckers decided to dump me in the middle of a desert without water for chuckles? "I was trying to find my way to Sunagakure," I answered truthfully. Telling the truth where I could meant less lies I would have to keep track of later.

Instantly he tensed, not enough to be threatening but clearly indicating he was ready to defend if necessary. "What do you want with the sand village?" he asked warily.

_Oh they won't be suspicious of a civilian will they? Fuck you puppet man!_

Crap what was I supposed to say here? I was pretty sure saying that the Akatsuki had sent me on some asinine mission against my will would not go over well. What would be believable? _I want to be a sand shinobi?_ I had to roughly bite the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from laughing. _I can see my grave marker now, "died 2 minutes into her first lesson". _I would have to come up with something quick though, the longer I stalled the more it would seem like I was lying.

"I was interested in seeing the trade markets for a village established in a hostile environment," I began, hoping my voice didn't sound as nervous as I felt, "and see if there were any marketable areas." I had absolutely no idea where I was going with any of this. I was just running my mouth hoping that it sounded legitimate enough for him not to question it.

"You're…a merchant?" he questioned, his facial features scrunched into a look of confusion.

"More like trying to be. It's a surprising difficult area to get into." I replied. "Unfortunately I seem to have miscalculated my journey and have become lost."

What the heck was I even saying? _I should have just gone with the damsel in distress routine. _However, if I started back peddling now it would set alarm bells ringing. Hopefully if I had backed myself into a corner too much I could just say that I was foreign which, rather ironically, wasn't all that far off from the truth.

"You don't have any merchandise with you though…"

_Shit. Think Amanda think_. Although I wasn't particularly keen on successfully completing a mission for the Akatsuki it wouldn't be good to be targeted as a potential enemy by someone from the sand village either. "That's because I don't have any. I wanted to see what the market is like first, and then see if there's anything that I have that could fit into it."

His purple paint covered face contorted into a look of abject confusion. I couldn't say I blamed him, I barely knew what I was talking about either. Improvising was definitely not my strong point. Assuming I survived and the Akatsuki kept their word on recapturing me I'd have to discuss with them the importance of proper planning.

"For example there may be a niche for small restaurant businesses; since I can cook I could potentially use that market to my advantage…" _Stop okay, just stop you have no idea what you're even saying; you're only making it worse. _Perhaps I could just tell him that the sun had fried my brain making me delirious.

"You can cook?" he cheerfully asked, a large grin spreading across his face.

It was somewhat eerie how happy the knowledge that I could cook suddenly made him. I was by no means a gourmet chef, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I was definitely above burning water. However, that was for cooking Western dishes. I didn't know the first thing about cooking Japanese food. "Umm…yes?" I answered, though it sounded more like a question.

"That's great! I'm from Sunagakure, I can take you there." He rose from his crouched position before extending a friendly hand to me.

_What the hell just happened?_ Not that I was complaining, the sooner I got to the village the sooner I could get out of this heat, but what exactly did my ability to cook have to do with anything? It was especially weird when considering that moments ago he had seemed ready to attack me if I so much as blinked funny. To confused to protest I accepted his offered hand. "Uhh…thanks."

"It's not a problem," he answered, a sly smirk on his face as he helped me to my feet. "Since I'm doing you a favour perhaps you would be willing to do me one?"

Removing my hand from his I began dusting myself off while eying him questioningly. I wasn't sure what type of _favour _he was referring to but my mind was definitely floating in the gutter coming up with all sorts of perverted and depraved possibilities. None of which would be happening. "What sort of favor?" I questioned suspiciously.

"Oh no...nothing like that," he nervously replied, holding his palms out to me. "Unless…"

I crossed my arms and glared at him angrily.

"Right, never mind" he wisely responded. "It's just that my sister is trying to cook…trying being a relative term there, but she's just terrible at it."

The near constant training probably left little time for the development of any other skills so I wasn't at all surprised that his sister had trouble with cooking. Cooking was like anything else, some people excelled at it, some were okay and others failed miserably. That being said, I still wasn't sure why he was telling me this. I was a random stranger; it would have been ridiculous for him to invite me to his home just so I could cook for him. Wouldn't it?

"You could try getting her a cook book. Some people cook better when following instructions," I offered. _Or cook your damn self…_

He seemed to cringe at an unpleasant memory. "Already tried that," he replied with a shudder. "Trust me it didn't help. I can't handle another night of burnt, unidentifiable food…is there any way I can convince you to come cook for us tonight?"

_Alright well, so much for ridiculous. Silly me for expecting any semblance of rational logic in the narutoverse_. Perhaps all the murder mystery shows I watched had me a little jaded but he was inviting me, a stranger, to his home to…cook? I just couldn't get my head around it. "Is that really a good idea? Why not just order takeout?"

"If we do that she'll just insist on cooking herself… Look, you'll need a place to stay right? I'm sure Gaara wouldn't mind having you stay with us while you're here if you can save us from at least one night of inedible food," he pleaded, trying desperately to entice me to agree.

He was right; I would need a place to stay while in Sunakagure…however long that was going to be. Yet another detail either Pain or that bastard _Tobi_ had overlooked. What had they expected me to do? Wonder the streets like some common whore? Maybe taking Kankuro up on his offer to stay with him and his….

_No fucking way… _I could have face-palmed for not cluing in to who Kankuro's siblings where earlier. I hadn't forgotten that the sand siblings where Temari, Kankuro and Gaara it just hadn't registered while I had been talking with the puppet user. This was definitely unexpected. The chances of me actually running into to known characters, much less multiple ones, should have been a hundred to one. Yet here they were practically falling into my lap. I'd never had this kind of luck with anything in my life. _Maybe I just had a secret wish to meet the desert trio?_

Instantly I closed my eyes and silently wished to be back in my apartment. Back to air condition, computers and telephones. When I reopened them I was still in front of Kankuro surrounded by and endless wasteland of sandy desert. _Damn. _Apparently my luck didn't extend beyond the ability to meet known characters in the Naruto world. Figures.

Realistically it would have been better if I hadn't beaten the odds. Beating them only made it possible to complete whatever it was the Akatsuki had sent me here to do, which I still wasn't quite clear on exactly. Collect information on the jinchūriki? What sort of information? Whether or not he files his taxes on time?

Accepting Kankuro's offer, assuming the other two agreed, complicated things. I had really being counting on chalking my failure up to an inability to locate or get anywhere near the target. Now I would have to come up with some other excuse for an unsuccessful completion of this mission.

"Are you sure they would be okay with that? I am a stranger after all…I could be dangerous." In a world where any 5-year-old could wield sharp weapons with deadly accuracy the only danger I presented was to myself. However, wasn't paranoia supposed to reign supreme among the shinobi in this universe? I thought they would regard anyone lacking the symbol of the village with extreme suspicion.

"Dangerous? A pretty little thing like you?" he playfully flirted. "We're baking out here…you going to agree to stay with us or not?"

_Staying? I thought it was just cooking?_ "Do I really have a choice?" I asked defeated.

The intense desert heat was starting to make me feel nauseous and light-headed. I shook my head trying to clear the growing dizzy sensation but it only grew worse. I felt my vision begin to blur, darkness creeping in around the edges.

"No, not really," he replied with a grin. As he looked at me his grin dropped and was quickly replaced with a look of increasing concern. "Hey, are you okay? You don't look so well."

That was an understatement. I felt terrible. My head was pounding, I was nauseous, dizzy and I felt like I was fighting against the rapidly increasing need to faint. Risking closing my eyes I tried imagining myself laying out on the deliciously frozen tundra of the Antarctic, unfortunately my body still felt like it was boiling underneath my skin. The sand shiniobi may have adapted to life in the desert but I certainly hadn't.

The darkness was getting worse. It nearly consumed my entire vision make it extremely difficult to focus on anything. I was struggling to stay conscious, worried that I would pass out into a puddle of my own vomit it if I blacked out. "Definitely not feeling well…" I slurred rather pathetically.

"Deals can wait; we got to get you out of this sun…now."

Without asking or waiting for permission Kankuro swiftly scooped me up in his arms. The jostling movement sending sparks of pain through my head and causing my stomach to churn violently. Had I been more myself I might have protested the action, but for now I felt too horrible to care.

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As Kankuro ran through the desert at super-human speeds the breeze it created felt good against my flushed face. However, it wasn't enough to help cool the burning sensation that was engulfing my entire body, nor was it enough to dull the painful pounding in my head. Closing my eyes against the growing nausea I focused all my strength on keeping my stomach from working its way out my throat.

I was so focused on the task of keeping my stomach contents from spilling out onto the both of us that I paid little attention to where Kankuro was going. Not that it would have mattered, one hill of sand looked identical to any other hill of sand. I no longer cared where Kankuro was taking me, I just wanted to close my eyes and fall into the sweet nothingness of sleep.

"You've got to keep your eyes open okay," Kankuro softly ordered, giving me a gentle shake as I lay limply in his arms.

My eyelids where growing so heavy. I wanted to rest…just for a moment. The blackness continued to eat away at my vision making it difficult to keep my eyes open. I was no physician but given the circumstances I was likely suffering from heat exhaustion which would develop in to heat stroke if my core temperature kept rising. _Fuck this desert. Fuck the Akatsuki and Fuck Tobi right in his stupid orange lollipop face!_

"Jesus Christ Kankuro, another one? Our home is not a place for you to take every single harlot you come across," snapped a shrill feminine voice.

I was so consumed with how ill I was feeling that I lost track of how much time may have passed. Although I was now sheltered from the blazing heat of the sun I still felt like I was burning. My vision was too far gone and I was too delirious to figure out where I was or what the identity of the new speaker was. My skin felt like it was on fire and my heart was racing so fast that I was worried it might explode under the strain.

"Damn it Temari it's not like that. I found her lost in the desert; I think she's suffering from sun sickness," Kankuro replied his voice heavy with worry.

Slender, calloused fingers pressed against my forehead and cheek. "She's not looking so good. Why'd you bring her here? She needs to see a medic."

"I…you're right. I guess I wasn't thinking clearly. I just needed to get her out of the sun and this was the closest place," Kankuro reasoned sheepishly.

I was vaguely aware that they were talking about me but my head felt too fuzzy and my mouth felt too chalky to respond. In all honesty I didn't care what they were talking about. I just wanted to blackout into sweet nothingness and hope my heart didn't burst out of my chest as I slept. An increasing confusion was spreading through my brain like smoke. What was going on? Why was I here?

"I need to get the popsicles from the muffin man…" I muttered incoherently trying to stand, the random string of words making little sense to my addled mind. Had I spoken them or was it someone else? I wasn't sure.

"She's worse than I thought. There isn't much time before permanent damage is done. Get her to a medic now," ordered an authoritative female voice.

"Right"

_Permanent damage?_ There was a concern associated with a prolonged high core temperature but I was too sick and confused to remember what. The darkness closed in as the urge to close my eyes became too strong to resist. Unable to fight it any longer I closed my eyes and fell into unconsciousness.

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**As always thank you for reading, and thank you very much for the reviews.**

**Until next time…**


	8. Chapter 8

I groaned weakly as my body broke from the realm of sleep and rose back up into consciousness. Instantly I regretted waking as every muscle seemed to be sending unwelcome signals of pain to my brain. From what I could tell I was laying on something soft, probably a bed, but other than that I had no idea where I was. For the moment I didn't really care. Anything that had more than a half a millimetre of padding was a freaking luxury. It had been a long while since I had something even remotely comfortable to lie on and I was going to enjoy every minute of it, sore, angry muscles or not.

Maybe I'd wake up and discover that everything had just been one crazy, alcohol induce dream.

"_Thank you for coming Sir…"_

Then again, maybe not. Reality was a harsh mistress. Perhaps one day I would wake without the hope that being trapped in the Naruto world hadn't been real, but today wasn't it.

"_It's about that civilian patient brought in…"_

"_The one my brother found?"_

There was a possibility that they weren't talking about me, however it seemed rather unlikely. Not yet ready to reveal that I was awake I laid motionless on the bed pretending to be asleep. Since they seemed to be talking about me anyway it wouldn't hurt to listen in on their conversation for a while.

"_Ah, yes Sir. She was suffering from the initial stages of heat stroke. We managed to reverse the effects and bring down her core temperature before any permanent damage was done."_

"_Was that why she started acting so weird?"_

That third voice sounded familiar… Where ever I was apparently Kankuro was here as well. Judging from a diagnosis being given and apparent treatment being administered it was highly likely that I was currently in a clinic or hospital of some kind. _Just great…I hate hospitals. _I wasn't stupid enough to attempt to get up and leave, but I'd be lying if I said that the thought wasn't tempting.

"_Uh yes, it's quite likely that she wasn't even aware of what she was saying or doing."_

"_Heat stroke is a common occurrence out in the desert. I hardly see how this is worthy of my attention." _Though the voice was gravelly and somewhat monotone there was no hint of malice in his words. He was merely stating a fact.

"_Quite right Sir, however while we were healing her we came across an unusual anomaly."_

I felt my stomach sink at the term _unusual anomaly_. From the person's apprehensive, worried tone it didn't sound like it was anything good. _Oh god, I have cancer don't I?_ Instantly I pushed the thought from my mind. Worrying about worst case scenarios was pointless until I had all the facts. Hopefully I was just jumping to conclusions and was not actually dying of some horrible disease.

"_Sir…well…it's her chakra…_"

"_Does she possess a level of chakra that could potentially be a danger to the village_?"

_Chakra? _Oh right, the ninja version of mana, or spell-power. Perhaps there was some actual meaning for chakra back in the real world but I was unaware of it. Chakra was their thing though; I hardly saw what it had to do with me.

"_No actually, it's quite the opposite. She doesn't appear to have any."_

"_How is that possible?"_

"_Everything has chakra. How can anything be alive without it?"_

Hmm…so I had no chakra apparently. I guess that meant that I wouldn't be able to do any crazy ninja-magic ever. It was a little disappointing, knowing I'd be the only normal person in a world full of super heroes and villains. However, I had expected as much. Oh well, I couldn't really see myself shooting lightning bolts from fingertips anyway.

"_We're having difficulty explaining it. I've had my best medical teams examine her, so far we've been able to sense the barest hints of a chakra-network that's starting to form, but we haven't been able to detect any amount of chakra. It simply isn't there."_

Aside from some minor disappointment, I wasn't the least bit worried about my seeming lack of chakra. Everyone else however seemed to be greatly concerned by it. They were treating it as though it were the equivalent of a patient coming into a real world hospital that lacked hemoglobin but was somehow able to remain alive. It couldn't be that serious, could it?

Wait a second, had that doctor said something about a chakra-network starting to form? _Crap._ Did that mean my body was starting to acclimate to life in the narutoverse? I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that. Would I be able to go back to my world if the acclimation to this world were to complete? Would full acclimation make staying in this world permanent?

"_Normally when a fetus has such an underdeveloped chakra-network after the first trimester it's aborted. How this woman has managed to survive to adulthood with this abnormality is a mystery."_

"_Is it possible that this is a reanimation jutsu or that she is a puppet of some kind?"_

Ironically "_puppet of some kind_" was hitting the nail on the head…depending on your point of view. As much as I loathed the idea I was an Akatsuki's puppet, although perhaps slave was a more appropriate term. _Damn self-preservation instincts._

"_No, even a reanimated corpse would have a chakra signature and we've found nothing to indicate that she's a puppet of any kind. For the time being I recommend keeping her here for further observation…"_

"_Agreed. I would also like to ask her some questions when she's awake."_

"_I thought you might Sir. We will inform you immediately when she wakes up."_

So I was a medical anomaly in this cartoon universe… If this was my super-power I wanted a reroll. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet so I continued to pretend to sleep even after the conversation had ended. It wasn't long before pretending had turned into reality and I drifted back into the world of dreams.

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I awoke on the same deliciously padded mattress from before; surrounded by harsh, white lighting and walls painted in muted earth tones. For the briefest of moments I held the hope once again that it had all been a dream. However, the familiarity of the mattress beneath me quickly put an end to that senseless hope.

Groaning slightly I sleepily stretched tired, drowsy muscles, the action helping to increase my alertness. There was still some pain, but it was nowhere near as bad as it had been the first time I had awoken. My throat felt chalky and dry and my stomach churned uncomfortably with hunger. _I guess it's been a while since my forced meal with Kisame and Itachi._

Since the Akatsuki didn't seem to believe in packing snacks, or planning any part of this mission whatsoever, I was going to have to wait until whoever was in charge of patient meals at this hospital decided to feed me.

Still feeling somewhat groggy I lifted myself into a sitting position and scanned my surroundings. Though it did have a certain third-world quality to it I was in what appeared to be a basic hospital room. It was actually quite dull. _Perhaps it's a technique to help patients…they heal faster so they're not stuck here dying of boredom._

"You're awake. **It's about time**."

I nearly leaped out of my skin at the sound of the two voices coming from a single black and white individual.

"Jesus Christ!" I shrieked startled.

Security here was apparently baby-town-frolics if a known member of the Akatsuki was able to stand at the foot of my bed without any worry of being caught. If he was at all concerned about being detected he wasn't showing it. Zetsu just stood calmly at the end of my bed staring at me expectantly. It was really quite unnerving.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I questioned angrily.

I may not have any known affiliations with the Akatuski as far as this world knew, but people might start getting suspicious if I was caught talking to one of its members.

"**Don't be rude brat**. We're here to check up on you."

At least it was clear how Sasori and Deidara planned on recapturing me now. If Zetsu was able to pinpoint my whereabouts at all times than snatching me up was going to be a breeze for them. I didn't really think that I would be able to get away, but I had hoped.

"Aren't you worried someone might see you?"

"**We can eliminate any threats if necessary.** Do you have anything to report?"

"Aside from the fact that this mission is a colossal waste of time, or that Tobi," I said making air quotes at the word _Tobi_ "is a massive asshole? No."

"You are lucky that you are useful, **but it will not hold out forever**," Zetsu warned.

He was right unfortunately. Eventually the thin thread of usefulness that kept me protected from a gruesome death would break, and I would be at the unpleasant mercy of a pack of murders that had no reason to keep me alive. It was a rather daunting prospect.

"No, I have nothing to _report_. I keep telling you lot that I am amazingly under-qualified for this type of work, but apparently no one is listening."

Zetsu, who could easily travel throughout the village undetected, could have easily gathered any information the Akatsuki wanted in a fraction of the time. This made my presence on this ridiculous mission even more confusing. If this was some convoluted exercise to test my loyalty I hardly saw the need for it. Beside there were probably easier ways to go about it.

"**You've already been useful on this mission**," Zetsu replied, his mouth curling into a sinister, sharp-toothed grin.

_The hell?_ When exactly had I been useful for this stupid mission? I've only been in the village a few hours; as far as I could tell, and I had yet to even speak with the intended target. Unless passing out from heat stroke was somewhere in the mission briefing, I had managed to accomplished sweet-fuck-all.

"What do you mean…?"

"Someone is coming. **We must go**."

He didn't even bother to give any indication that he had heard my question. Whatever I had done that had been useful he didn't intend on sharing.

"We'll be watching you. **Never forget that.**"

With one final warming glare Zetsu silently sank into the ground and disappeared without a trace. It was kind of spooky how he could do that so easily. I had to wonder if that was a skill all earth user had or was it a skill exclusive to him?

Shortly after Zetsu had disappeared I heard the sound of footsteps approaching. Their clicking sounds growing louder the closer they got to me. Zetsu had been right, someone was coming. I didn't have to wait long. A tall man, with a neatly trimmed beard and friendly, dark eyes dressed in white entered the hospital room I was in. From his appearance and the way he carried himself I had to assume he was the doctor.

"Good you're awake," he said with a smile, before turning to a cute, brown-haired woman who had been hovering behind him. "Nurse, inform the Kazekage that the patient is conscious."

So they were going to bring Gaara to me where they? He had mentioned wanting to speak with me when I awoke in their conversation earlier. Well this was regrettable. It wasn't that I didn't want to meet Gaara; actually the likelihood of it gave me a bit of a giddy thrill. However, after my conversation with Zetsu I was beginning to doubt whether I could successfully sabotage this mission even if I tried. Bringing the two of us together only brought the Akatsuki that much closer to obtaining whatever it was they wanted from him.

"How are you feeling," the doctor questioned, turning his attention back to me.

Gently he picked up my wrist and checked my pulse before setting the arm back in its previous position on my lap. He did some additional small tests, such as checking my eyes and throat before rechecking the chart held at the end of my bed.

"A little headachy and sore, but other than that I'm okay."

He nodded of few times in response while making some notes on the chart. "That's to be expected with heat stroke. I'll have someone come in to treat you if the pain gets to be too uncomfortable."

Although it wasn't exactly fantastic, I had to applaud this physician's bedside manner. He was doing such as great job of treating me like any other regular patient, that had I not been awake for the conversation earlier I would never have guessed that I was some sort of medical freak.

"Doctor," the brown-haired nurse from earlier called, "the Kazekage is here."

The doctor stood noticeably straighter as a tall man with bright auburn hair, and shockingly pale skin stepped into the room. He was dressed casually in black, which seemed to make the dark circles around his sea-foam green eyes more intense. His hair was a little longer but the red Kanji symbol on his forehead was still visible between the pieces.

"Kazekage-sama," the doctor humbly acknowledge with a bow.

Gaara gave the other man the briefest of acknowledgements before turn is attention on me, his sea-foam green eyes completely void of any discernible emotion. I may like Gaara as a character, but this wasn't going to be a casual visit among friends.

"I'm the Kazekage for this village, my name is Sabaku no Gaara and you are?"

Ironically I think he was the first person to introduce themselves to me since I found myself in this cartoon universe. Not that an introduction was necessary as far as named, recurring characters went but still it was nice.

"Amanda," I answered softly, playing up my role of sweet, innocent patient.

"Amanda?" he repeated, testing the foreign word on his tongue. "What village are you from?"

_Crap in a hat._ What exactly was I supposed to tell him? That I was from another universe? I wasn't sure if they had insane asylums here and I didn't care to find out. What would I say? _I'm from a town called Burnaby which is in a different dimension. Oh and by the way in my world this one is a cartoon and I know all sorts of details about the past, present and future. So, anyway…I'll just be showing myself out…_

I'd already made the mistake of letting the Akatsuki know I had knowledge of this world when I had thought this was nothing more than a reality TV show, an action that had simultaneously ruined and saved my life. I was not going to repeat that mistake again.

However I was still left with the dilemma of what to tell him. I could say that I was from one of the villages that was featured less in the show. However, if they knew the people of the village I chose or came into contact with someone from the village my story would immediately be exposed for the lie it was.

_Fuck it; I'm going with the oldest cliché in the book._

I wrinkled my forehead in mock concentration while letting my eyes water with unshed tears. _Thank you drama class._ "I don't remember," I answered meekly, careful to keep a slight hint of frustration in my tone.

Pretending to have amnesia was such a hackneyed idea I almost felt dirty for using it. However, since lying wasn't a viable option and telling the truth was even less so I was left with little alternative.

Gaara stared at me silently for a moment before continuing. Neither pity nor anger was reflected in his eyes, only a slight hint of curiosity. "That is most unfortunate," he sighed, giving no indication whether he believed me. "What do you remember?"

"Being lost in the desert, and then being here."

It wasn't a complete lie. I did remember those events; they just weren't the last ones I could remember. I could only hope that the sand village didn't possess a mind-rapist like Inoichi Yamanaka from the leaf-village. If they did, I was well and truly screwed.

"Do you remember meeting my brother earlier? He was dressed in black wearing purple war paint."

I had to roughly bite the inside of my cheek nearly to the point of bleeding to prevent myself from laughing out loud. _War paint?_ I had the unshakable image of a modern solider painting his face with his mother's lipstick instead of the standard camouflage.

"Yes, I remember meeting him but I don't remember how I got here."

That part was true, I really did have no idea how I had ended up in this hospital. That was the key to telling a good lie; always mix in bits of truth.

"My medics have discovered an anomaly while treating you, are you aware of it?"

So far he hadn't asked me anything that could not have easily been asked by the doctor standing quietly to one side of the room. I found myself questioning why he was even here at all. Perhaps my unusual medical condition was enough to warrant his attention.

"An anomaly? Not that I know of," I cautiously answered, like someone who had just learned they were a carrier for a rare genetic disease.

"You're somewhat of a mystery to us. You're chakra networks are too underdeveloped to sustain life and you lack chakra further drawing into question your ability to remain alive. Are you capable of creating any seals or jutsu that could mask your chakra signature?"

If I had been, wouldn't it have been detected by the medics earlier? Was he baiting me? The last thing I wanted was to be caught in a lie by Gaara. He may not be as blood thirsty as before but that didn't mean he wouldn't desert-coffin my ass for lying to him.

"Probably not…no"

"Probably?"

"Well I don't know, other than remembering my name and being in the desert I really haven't got much to go on."

He stared at me silently in thought. Although his eyes lacked any noticeable emotion they weren't cold like Sasori's were. Despite the situation there was still a touch of human warmth in them. I wasn't going to fool myself though. Even with his new-found compassion for humanity he could be absolutely ruthless when necessary. I may like his character, but right now we were not friends. Thankfully, for the time being, we weren't enemies either.

"Since this is such a highly unusual case I've agreed that it's necessary for you to remain under observation for a while. You understand right?"

I wasn't sure if understanding would have been at all helpful. All I knew was that I was going to be stuck in this bloody hospital for who knows how long.

"Actually, can't say that I do…but then I'm not the medic…at least I don't think I am," I replied, trying to keep the annoyance at having to remaining in the hospital out of my tone.

"I'll end the questioning for now but if you remember anything have someone contact me immediately," he calmly replied moving towards the exit before pausing. "Oh, and Amanda…if you are a threat, I will do whatever is necessary to protect this village."

He held my gaze for a few uncomfortable seconds before giving me a slight nod and disappearing out the door.

_The good guys can be just as terrifying as the bad guys._ At least with the bad guys what you were getting was a little more predictable.

The doctor remained for a few more minutes, repeating simple tests and asking questions about pain levels before exiting the room as well. The sudden silence was almost eerie as I sat alone in the bland, sterile hospital room.

_Oh son of a bitch! _Damn it all, I was still hungry.

* * *

**Thank you for reading :)**

**And thanks for the reviews**

**Until next time...**


	9. Chapter 9

Out of all the ways I thought my life could turn out ending up in a hospital in a cartoon universe as a medical contradiction definitely hadn't been one of them.

Even if I had been a hypochondriac, being trapped inside this medical facility was not the slightest bit entertaining. Staring at the same four walls wondering what _tests_ they were going to run got pretty dull rather fast. What was worse was that, aside from some general soreness and dizziness that had nothing to do with the heat stroke, I felt perfectly fine. I found myself actually longing for my Akatsuki cage. At least there I wasn't treated like some bizarre combination of test subject and woman made of glass. They may be a bunch of murderous criminals but they didn't torture me under the guise that it was for my best interest. Unlike certain doctors I could think of.

At first, under the guidance of the friendly eyed doctor from before there seemed to have been a genuine concern for my personal well-being. Unfortunately the friendly doctor had quickly been replaced by a man who appeared to have a permanent scowl etched into his face, and I found myself rapidly drifting from the status of patient to the realm of specimen.

Whatever this man's goal was, my personal health definitely wasn't on the list.

The one saving grace about all this was that I was given food regularly. Not that the meals where particularly appetizing, hospital food is still hospital food no matter what dimension you're in. However since the alternative was giving serious contemplation to eating my own foot I wasn't about to complain about the menu. Pretending that the bland meals where things like burgers or slices of pizza worked about as well as eating a picture out of a cook book, and probably tasted about the same.

One day soon hopefully I would get the chance to eat _real _food. However for the moment getting a decent meal was the least of my worries.

How many days had I been here…four? Or was it going on five now? After the first day they had moved me to what they deemed a _Special Care Facility_. They could slap whatever name they wanted on it, I knew a laboratory when I saw one. Speaking of laboratory I was beginning to lose count of how many times I had been poked, probed, examined and otherwise humiliated in the name of research.

The new medical staff that had apparently been assigned to me brought in wave after wave of medical professionals, or at least that's what I assumed they were. For all I knew they were charging two bits a gander to gawk at the freak. _Hey the freak is supposed to get a cut of the profits damn it! _Each of which preformed their own version of medical tests on me_.  
_

All of this unwanted _special treatment_, because I was somehow a medical anomaly in this universe. I didn't think Tobi had any medical expertise but I had to wonder if this was why Pain had been so insistent about placing me on this asinine mission, if one could even laughingly call it that. _Damn you Tobi I hope you get sodomized with a cactus!_

Whatever it was that they expected me to accomplish I was reasonably sure that becoming a test specimen for the sand village wasn't it.

"Now I know what a rhesus monkey feel like," I muttered bitterly under my breath.

How long would it be before they gave up on non-invasive methods for more _invasive_ ones? Hauntingly grotesque thoughts of vivisections plagued my over-active imagination. Would Gaara ever allow such a thing? My standing with this village wasn't exactly solid; perhaps Gaara would sanction my dissection if it was for the greater good of his village?

Unfortunately the answer to this question depended heavily on whether they were trying to _help_ me, or _reverse engineer_ me. My current status of laboratory subject strongly suggested the latter rather than the former. Which was a rather depressing thought but not altogether unexpected. Figuring out how to give their shinobi a way to completely mask their chakra would give the sand village a significant edge. Unfortunately to obtain this _edge_ one had to be born in a different universe. _Good luck explaining that to them. _Somehow I didn't think doctor scowls-a-lot was going to be open to the idea that this anomaly was the result of being native to a completely different reality.

I wouldn't have exactly called it an edge either, since the choices where either having chakra or not having chakra…and chakra was number one on the, _things required in order_ _to be a shinobi,_ check-list.

Any lingering effects I might have suffered from my incident with heat stroke had long since passed, it was my _unusual_ condition that held me trapped within the confines of these walls. No matter where I was in this world I always seemed to wind up a prisoner.

I obviously felt fine but the way the medical staff acted around me one would think I was dying from a terminal illness. Often they seemed down right shocked that I was conscious, capable of movement and coherent speech. Whether that was because I was supposed to be too sick to do these things or a test subject shouldn't have the mental capacity for them was highly debatable. In fact when they weren't jabbing needles into me they seemed almost terrified that I would shatter into a million pieces if handled too roughly. Everyone that was except doctor frowny, gentle was definitely not in that man's vocabulary.

Temari had come to my prison, and it was a prison no matter what others may choose to call it, on Gaara's behalf to continue with the mild interrogation. I was sticking with my amnesia routine so there was very little new information I could offer, much to her abundant annoyance. Although it wasn't necessarily me she was angry with, it was not knowing if I was a threat or not. I couldn't really fault her for that, not when I didn't know how much of a threat I was to this village myself.

Normally I would have thought that I didn't pose any threat to the sand village, or any other village for that matter. However, after Zetsu informing me that without intending to I had already been useful in this mission I was no longer certain.

Gaara himself had not made an appearance since his initial visit. Not that I was overly surprised by that. He did have more important things to worry about after all, like running the sand village. Besides my continued incarceration in this hospital was rapidly turning me into a less than pleasant person to be around and _horrendous-bitch_ was not the kind of impression I wanted to give him.

The more time I spent in this hospital the more I desperately wanted to tell them the truth, if only to make the testing stop. Explain how I was from another world, how I was a prisoner of the Akatsuki and had been forced here by them against my will. Thankfully I wasn't a complete idiot. Now that I was rather painfully aware that this wasn't a reality TV show I was keeping that information to myself. If saying that I was from another world didn't put me in an asylum mentioning that I was in league with a current enemy would definitely put me in their equivalent of prison. _Or would I just be executed?_ I gave an involuntary shudder at the thought.

If they did learn what I know about this world would they be any different from the Akatsuki? I may like the sand sibling characters, but the way the sand medics where treating me as a lab experiment to be studied wasn't exactly endearing me to them. The less people that knew the truth about me the better. Being tagged a medical anomaly was bad enough, I didn't need _has__ the ability to see the future_ added to it. If that happened my fate as a test subject would be forever sealed.

I was just lucky that they didn't leave me strapped to the bed when no one was around…yet.

_Fuck this. Why am I putting up with this shit anyway?_ Annoyance swiftly rising I kicked off the covers and slide out of bed. I'd played the role of patient guinea pig long enough it was time to get out of here. I had no idea where the clothes I had worn when I ran into Kankuro out in the desert had ended up which unfortunately left me in nothing but undergarments and a hospital gown, but fuck it I was well beyond being done with this place. I'd streak through the hallways naked if it meant that I could finally leave.

Granted I wasn't exactly prepared for another lengthy trek through the desert but I'd deal with that problem later. My immediate goal was to get out of the hospital. I was through playing lab rat for these people. However, given their rather intense fascination with me I doubted that they were just going to let me casually stroll out the front door. Perhaps if I called out to Zetsu he could get me out of here?

I really must be getting desperate if I expected an s-ranked criminal to render me aid. Sadly I couldn't even use alcohol as an excuse from my moment of idiocy. Unless ordered to do so Zetsu wasn't going to lift a finger to help me. The cannibalistic plant-man was probably currently laughing himself stupid over my situation somewhere.

"Where are you going," a masculine voice questioned when I reached the door. "You're not well enough to leave this facility."

I looked up into the nervous brown eyes of one of the younger doctors on the medical team currently tormenting me. From the way determination and uncertainty danced over his features it was clear that he knew I wasn't supposed to leave but he was unsure how to stop me. Which as a lucky break from me, had it been Doctor Frowny-face I likely would have been strapped down to the bed for sitting up without his permission.

_Not well enough my ass._

"I feel fine, never better…you're a brilliant physician. Now can I please leave?" I angrily growled. The question was basically rhetorical as I had no intention of returning to that bed, at least not willingly.

I rudely shoved my way past the physician who seemed to be staring at me in stunned silence. To my surprise he clumsily moved aside, doing little to stop me until the fact that I was leaving my _special_ hospital room finally clicked in his head.

"Kazekage-sama has not granted you're release from this facility…," the physician called after me having apparently found his voice.

"Grant this," I snapped, angrily flipping him off over my shoulder.

In retrospect being a bitch was probably not the best way to help my case. In fact it was probably detrimental to any chance of leaving this place peacefully. However, in my current condition I was too irritated to care. Treating me as someone who lacks capacity to make decisions rapidly eats away at my patience.

Ignoring the physician's increasingly frantic calls from me to return to my room I continued down the hallway. I didn't have the slightest idea where I was going but there had to be an exit somewhere. When I heard the clicking sound of rapid foot steps behind me I picked up the pace. If I couldn't find an exit right away putting as much distance between myself and that room was the next best thing.

Heart racing with adrenaline I raced down the hallway as quickly as my legs would allow. If he had the same basic abilities of all shinobi, which was likely the case, I wasn't getting away. That didn't mean I was going to make it easy for him. Warily I chanced a glance over my shoulder only to wind up slamming into something solid.

I fell to the ground with an ungraceful flailing of limbs, my butt smacking painfully against the hard surface on the floor. Eyes watering from the impact I looked up and locked eyes with the red-haired Kazekage himself, remnants of his sand shielding disappearing back into his ever-present gourd.

_Oh it fucking figures._

I stared up at him doing a marvelous impression of a landed fish as my stomach filled with dread. With Gaara standing directly in front of me any slim chance I had of escaping was gone. It was a crushing defeat that felt like a kick to the gut, as I would rather have Kisame give me a sponge bath than return to that laboratory room.

The Kazekage looked down at me with a quizzical expression before shifting his gaze to the rapidly approaching footsteps behind me.

"Kazekage-sama," panted the young doctor obviously out of breath from running. "My apologies sir, I will return the patient to her room at once."

When the physician reached for me I viciously jerked out-of-the-way. Gaara may have inadvertently thwarted my attempt to leave this place but that didn't mean I was going back peacefully, or gracefully for that matter.

"I have a name asshole! Here's a hint it's definitely not, The Patient," I snarled.

Gaara returned his sea-green eyes to me arching a non-existent eyebrow at my sudden outburst. The voice of self-preservation in my head was screeching at me to not make Gaara angry, but right now even being on the receiving end of _desert-coffin_ was a better alternative than returning to the role of lab specimen.

"I'm sorry sir, as you can see she is unwell…"

"Oh that is bullshit," I spitefully snapped. "This has nothing to do with my personal health, you're just using that as an excuse so you can keep me here as a test subject indefinitely."

Eventually the knowledge that Gaara was standing not even two metres away from me would catch up with my mouth but for now I was verbally venting my pent-up frustration on this physician.

"I get that I'm some type of bizarre medical freak, but that does not give you the right to strip me of my humanity and treat me like you're village's own personal lab experiment."

A flash of rage ghosted across Gaara's face before he schooled his features back into a look of calm indifference. He closed his eyes in concentration as a nearly palpable silence filled the hallway. Only to be broken by the momentary scratching sound of sand particles scrapping across the floor.

"Kaito, what has Osuma been doing since you're medical team has been given responsibility for _Amanda's_ treatment?" He questioned in an eerily calm tone.

Although he had clearly emphasised my name for my benefit I was still rather impressed that he even remembered it at all. Unlike the increasingly nervous appearing Kaito, I didn't have as much interaction with Gaara so there really was no reason for him to bother with remembering my name.

"We've been trying to determine how the patient...er…Amanda," he corrected after receiving a vicious glare from Gaara, "…is able to survive despite the complete lack of chakra. We've only used the most non-invasive methods I assure you."

"My orders were to keep her under observation in case her condition required immediate medical assistance," he coolly reminded.

"Uhh yes sir," Kaito agreed.

"Then explain to me why your team has decided to go beyond what I had ordered without my authorization?" he questioned icily, completely ignoring my presence.

Even though I was standing right there I felt as if I had been moved to some type of isolation booth the way they were talking about me as though I were unable to hear them. It was rather surreal. I wasn't sure why Gaara was questioning the young doctor about my situation, but if it kept me away from that _special _medical room I didn't care. Did I think he was helping me because my stunning beauty had him hopelessly falling for me? Absolutely not. If I started believing _that_ I was seriously going to have to get myself checked for signs of brain damage.

The fact that the medical team had gone beyond what he had assigned without his permission was undoubtedly the cause of Gaara's ire. At a stretch perhaps he felt some sympathy for my current situation as a test subject given his own personal background as a jinchūriki.

"Osuma felt that if we could discover the cause of her condition we might be able to find a way to use it to benefit our shinobi," the young doctor reasoned.

"And no one on your team thought that the undertaking of such a task should have been brought to my attention?"

"Apologies sir, we just felt that Temari or Kankuro would have informed you…," Kaito quickly tried to rationalize.

The poor man was doing his best to remain professional but was practically shaking out of his medical-shinobi uniform. Being on the receiving end of Gaara's mild annoyance was surprisingly unnerving being on the receiving end when Gaara was rapidly approaching being fully pissed off had to be downright terrifying. Mentioning his siblings clearly hadn't help Kaito's case any.

"Temari and Kankuro are not members of the medical team," Gaara clarified. "It is not their job to inform me of any decisions made by the medical staff."

"Yes Kazekage-sama," the young man replied, hanging his head in defeat.

"I am disappointed that you're team has decided to put the potential for personal gain above the well-being of your patient. Inform Osuma that your team is to be reassigned, Amanda is no longer your responsibility."

The young doctor nodded once in reply before disappearing down the hallway in the direction he had come, leaving me alone with Gaara.

Given that he was obviously in an irritated mood I wasn't sure how much I like the idea of his attention being solely on me. I didn't expect him to go psychotic sand monster but knowing that he wasn't exactly happy at the moment made me a little wary. _With my luck I'll probably end up saying something stupid and really piss him off._

"I apologise for what my medical shinobi have put you through. I would have corrected such an unauthorized change to my orders sooner but village business has kept me away."

He was apologising to me? That was definitely unexpected, but not unappreciated. I was a stranger; I wasn't a citizen of the sand village. Gaara had no responsibility to me. He could have just as easily handed Kaito a scalpel and told him to go to town with trying to discover the cause of my medical condition instead of choosing to help me.

The question was what was going to happen now? Would I be allowed to leave the hospital? Would he assign a new medical team to keep me under observation? Would a new medical team just result in round two of specimen status? I wanted to leave but the determination I had to exit the hospital had long since deflated. If he decided that I needed to continue to stay in this hospital I doubted I could even sum up the energy to be mouthy about it, even if I lacked any self-preservation to do so.

"Though your lack of chakra is puzzling you don't appear to be in any immediate medical danger. As I currently have no idea what Osuma and his team has subjected you to I'll have a medic from a different team give you a quick check before you are released."

_Finally. _If it didn't drastically overstep personal boundaries I could have kissed him.

As he led me down the hallway in the direction that I had been frantically running in earlier a burning question kept gnawing away at me. Why care what happens to an unknown stranger especially when continued testing on that stranger could be to the best interest of the village?

"Why…why help me?" I questioned in a low whisper.

He paused turning to glance at me over his shoulder, his sea-green eyes locked with my sapphire blue. "For the moment you are an innocent," he answered as if that explained everything.

I knew that post-shippuden Gaara was rather protective of his village as well as Naruto but I didn't think that such defense would extend to someone not affiliated with either. Perhaps his overall compassion for others was greater than I thought.

"I trust you still remember nothing from before you ended up in the desert?" he calmly asked.

"I wish I did," I lied.

"That is unfortunate. Since we can't have you mindlessly wandering the desert I'll have to find a temporary place for you to stay until you can return to your village."

Seeing Gaara in calm, rational leader mode it was shockingly difficult to picture him as a blood thirsty murderer, easily killing on the slightest whim. He led me to a small room obviously meant for the quick, routine examination of patients.

"I must return to my duties. Someone will be here to check you shortly, when they have finished I'll have someone escort you to the Kazekage tower," he informed before leaving me alone in the room to return to the task of running the sand village.

The Kazekage tower, wouldn't that be where Gaara's office was? I was clearly more fatigued than I thought if I couldn't immediately put together the clues of Kazekage Gaara and Kazekage tower. Not only did he rescue me from Osuma and his team but he was going to find me a place to stay as well? _Guess this means he's decided I'm not a threat? _For rather obvious reasons, all of which involved the Akatsuki, I had mixed feelings about that.

I definitely didn't want to be considered an enemy, but the fact was I had been sent here by the Akatsuki for extremely unclear reasons. I didn't want to harm Gaara, but I certainly couldn't warn him not with Zetsu's constant observation of me.

As I sat on the small examining table, which was completely free of any restraints, quietly waiting for the medic a familiar black and white face surrounded by a large Venus flytrap silently rose from the ground in front of me, his sudden appearance causing me to have to stifle a surprised shriek. _Speak of the devil_.

He glared at me with eerily yellow, emotionless eyes the corners of his mouth curled into a villainous-looking smile that revealed two rows of small, pointed teeth.

"Excellent you are ahead of schedule. **Mission completed**."

_How in the hell? Come again? _

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**I hope everyone has enjoyed the holidays. Sorry its taken me so long to get another chapter posted. Classes are starting up again shortly so unfortunately long waits in between chapters might become an ongoing theme :(**

**As always thank you for reading**

**Until next time...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello everyone**** I apologise for taking so long with an update. School has been crazy busy this year and unfortunately it leaves me with very little time for anything else. However I decided enough was enough and finally got around to writing an update. Unfortunately a long absence doesn't necessarily mean a better quality chapter. **

* * *

_What. The. Fuck. _Those three words repeated over and over within my utterly confused head as I stared blankly at Zetsu with wide, unblinking eyes. No doubt doing a wonderful portrayal of a deer caught in the headlights of a car. My mouth silently opening and closing in shock as I instantly seemed to forget any form of verbal language. What the hell did he mean, _mission completed_? Was he just screwing with me? Maybe Zetsu had a bizarre, twisted sense of humor that just didn't come across in the anime or manga? Although I failed to see how this was even remotely humorous. Sure I'd been in the sand village for several days, but I hadn't actually accomplished anything.

What the hell where they expecting me to do here anyway? I by no means had an eidetic memory but if I remembered the gist of things correctly, Pain had ordered me to the sand village as a civilian in order to gather information on its jinchūriki or something to that effect.

The civilian part made sense, there was no way I could have faked being a shinobi. Not even one that was still in ninja-preschool. So the two things I had managed to carry out thus far were acting like a civilian, which was rather simple since it was pretty much the assumed default if you're not a shinobi, and actually getting to the sand village. How the fuck does any of that result in competing this preposterous mission? Was I missing something?

Pain's instructions had been vague at best, not to mention the fact that this whole thing seemed so disorganized that a bunch of scatterbrained hippies probably could have planned it better. As haphazard as this mission seemed to be I had the general understanding that I was somehow supposed to collect information regarding the jinchūriki. The only _information_ I had managed to gather so far was that Gaara was actually a little taller than I expected. Somehow I doubted that was the kind of thing the great and terrifying Akatsuki organization was looking for.

If it was…they seriously needed to look into better resource management.

Hell I hadn't even confirmed that Gaara was the jinchūriki I was just assuming he was. Though how one would bring that particular topic up in casual conversation was beyond me. _So…having a tailed beast forcibly sealed inside you…awesome or no?_ For all I knew things were slightly different in this fantasy world and it was actually Matsuri that was the jinchūriki. _That'd be a real mind fuck_.

Had this all been an elaborate rouse to get me into a hospital for laboratory testing? If I squinted I could sort of see a character like Madara pulling a scheme like that, but it still didn't make much sense. Assuming I had some ability that could be cloned or extracted the Akatsuki would have practically been giving whatever it was to the sand shinobi. As it turned out the only thing discovered was that I would be able to put up little resistance when they finally decided to kill me, which I was pretty sure they knew already.

I silently went through everything that had happened since those fuckers, Deidara and Sasori, had abandoned me in the desert without any water. Hoping something would click with a dazzling flash of lights and a showering of confetti saying, _this was the thing that completed the mission_. Unsurprisingly that didn't happen.

Even grasping at straws I still managed to turn up nothing. No matter how I looked at it I had done nothing to complete the mission Pain had outlined. Unless… _Son of a shit snacking whore! _Had the goal been changed? Was I merely a pawn blindly achieving some hidden objective that I didn't even know about?

"Uhh…what?" I sputtered, finally managing to find my voice.

It wasn't the most eloquently phrased question, but for the moment it was the most my addled brain could manage. _I miss when my life made sense._

"Mission completed. **Are you hard of hearing?**" his raspy, apathetic voice questioned.

Zetsu had emerged from the ground so that most of his upper body, encased in his signature Venus flytrap, was now visible. His legs however where still hidden in the floor like the roots of a tree, creating a rather haunting image worthy of any horror film. A chill ran down my spine as he stared at me with those inhuman, yellow eyes.

Although in some ways Zetsu kind of reminded me of Soundwave, one of my favourite Decepticons, he was still extremely creepy. Even while nonaggressive there was still an aura of eeriness that surrounded him. If I had any say in the matter I was seriously limiting any time spent with this particular shinobi, but for now perhaps he could give me some answers.

"Apologies I must have something in my ears because it sounded like you said that this mission was complete," I replied rather sarcastically.

"We did. **Are you through wasting time**?" he enquired, a hint of annoyance present in his otherwise stoic tone.

"You're screwing with me aren't you?"

"**No.** Sounds like that might be fun," his white half playfully added.

_Okay…awkward_. It was bad enough knowing he was some kind of terrifying cannibal without having to add potential rapist to his character profile. Wait wasn't he supposed to be some bizarre lab experiment created from Hashirama Senju's non-sentient clone? Did he even have a sex drive? In all honesty I think I preferred not to know.

"How? I've done nothing but pass out and play lab monkey since I arrived here. Other than a few chuckles I fail to see what the Akatsuki could have possibly gained from that, or how it somehow managed to complete this mission that I'm obviously grossly under qualified for."

"Your role has been essential. **Despite that you are only a civilian**."

I was about ready to start tearing my hair out. That answered nothing. Civilian or not I failed to comprehend why I was so vital to this damn thing, not when literally anyone else would have been better qualified.

"Okay, I just want to know one thing. How did I complete this mission? I can't ask it any clearer than that."

"**You've confirmed that the vessel of the one-tails has changed.**"

_Confirmed that the one-tails has changed? _I wrinkled my nose and arched an eyebrow as I tried to make sense out of what Zetsu had said. My head was swirling in a sea of confusion as I struggled to grasp for answers that seemed to be just out of reach. There was something significant about the one-tails vessel, Gaara, changing…

A startled gasp caught in my throat as comprehension slammed into me like a brick to the face. Gaara undergoes a pretty drastic character change in Shippuden when he stops being a heartless, cold-blooded killer and starts wanting to emulate Naruto.

Okay, so Gaara has gone from psychotic-murder-machine to Captain Sensible but why would they need me to confirm that? Wouldn't the fact that he had obtained the position of Kage have been enough proof that he had in fact changed? As I grappled with this question trying to make sense out of it my brain shifted to yet another question. With what little I had managed to accomplish, if anything, since my arrival in the sand village and the fact that any actual contact with Gaara had been minimal at best, how had I confirmed anything? _God I wish I was getting paid for this shit._

Not that it would have helped much, but somehow the idea of getting some kind of benefit out of all this made this whole situation feel less frustrating somehow.

"Fan-freaking-tastic. Yes, the one-tails has changed though I hardly see why you needed me. The very fact that he managed to become the Kazekage should have made that glaringly obvious," I bitterly ranted momentarily forgetting who or what I was speaking to. "You know for supposedly being some terrifying organization it sure seems like planning mainly consists of randomly throwing darts at a wall, if this epic waste of time is any indication."

Zetsu narrowed his eyes dangerously; fixing me with an icy glare that made my blood run cold. The visible yellow irises seemed to bore into me before his two-toned lips curled into a sinister looking piranha smile.

"I see why Kisame finds you amusing," his white half teased.

I had to struggle to keep my features from forming the universal expression of _huh_. The fact that Kisame found me amusing wasn't exactly an overwhelming endorsement for my continued existence, but it was still strange to hear.

"There have been rumors that the vessel of the one-tails had changed, and that he now cares a great deal for his village. **Despite your blundering you've managed to reveal that this new compassion can apparently extend to individuals beyond the sand village**."

I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as Zetsu slowly lowered back into the floor.

"**If he's willing to help you, an outsider, imagine what he'd be willing to do to save his village.**"

At Zetsu's words I thought about the fight that eventually takes place between Deidara and Gaara. That's what this had all been about. Finding where Gaara could be the most vulnerable and exploiting it. The goal had never been for me to gather information on Gaara or however the hell they had put it. Those crafty fuckers had given me a mission I couldn't possibly fail. I was nothing more than a pawn. Throw an unknown civilian into the sand village and see how the jinchūriki reacts.

It also explained why they had used me. I was completely unknown in this world so there was no risk of someone recognizing who I was. I also lacked any ability to manipulate the situation so any reaction from Gaara would have been completely genuine.

"**You'll be removed from this village shortly**." Zetsu informed his mouth curling into a horrifying grin before disappearing back into the ground completely.

In the silence I felt a growing sense of guilt.

* * *

According to the physician who came to give me a check-up, a requirement stipulated by Gaara before I could leave the hospital, I was in fine physical condition, aside from the whole chakra thing of course. Although physically I was fine he seemed worried about how I was coping mentally. He was obviously concerned with what damaging effects becoming someone's personal lab rat would have on one's psyche but he didn't know the half of it.

After everything that had happened, ending up in this cartoon world, being an Akatsuki prisoner, being used as a pawn in the sand village, I was amazed I was even this sane. If I ever made it back to my own world I was going to end up needing to see a therapist for decades.

Although good luck convincing one that I wasn't completely bat-shit crazy.

I nodded mindlessly at his questions too consumed by guilt to actually pay attention to what he was saying. Despite my plan of giving the Akatsuki nothing of strategic value on Gaara I had unwittingly done exactly what they had wanted. How could I have been so naïve? No wonder they didn't seem to care that I wasn't a shinobi trained in infiltration and information gathering.

Intentional or not, by showing that Gaara could show compassion towards a complete stranger I had revealed a potential weakness that could be exploited. The villagers. Zetsu's parting words echoed within my head. If he was willing to allow me access to his village, allow me to receive medical treatment, rescue me from unsanctioned medical testing and even go so far as to find me a temporary place to stay when I was nothing more than a passing stranger, how far would he go for one of his own?

Unfortunately I already knew the answer to that.

Feeling an uneasy sense of dread at the thought of what was likely to come I looked up to see the physician staring at me expectantly.

"You haven't heard a word I've said have you," he chastised, flicking me in the forehead.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" I questioned sheepishly, rubbing at my slightly sore forehead.

"I said that after you've finished meeting with the Kazekage make sure you go get something to eat. After being in here for a few days I'm sure you could use a good meal. I could even recommend a few places… Are you sure you're alright?" he questioned suspiciously instantly reverting back into concerned doctor mode.

Pushing my growing fear of upcoming events aside I offered the doctor a weak smile. Perhaps things weren't as dreadful as I was making them out to be. Whatever happens to Gaara was going to happen with or without my involvement right? Besides doesn't he end up being better off in the long run? "As long as I don't have to give any more _samples_ I'll be just fine," I unenthusiastically joked.

"Good to see you still have a sense of humor," the doctor commented, clearly not entirely believing that I was in fact fine, but thankfully not pressing the issue.

This had obviously not been an entirely pleasant experience, but I just needed to get out of here more than I needed to talk it out with someone. As I listened to him explain about therapy options, which were surprisingly similar to those in the real world, he handed me a beige bundle of clothes. It was the clothes I had worn when I had first arrived. Where they had been or how he had managed to find them didn't matter, I was just glad to finally be getting out of this hospital gown.

After politely making a number of recommendations for where I could get an excellent meal in the village, the doctor concluded the examination. Excusing himself from the room so I could change.

I wasn't left alone in the examination room for long. Shortly after I had gotten dressed a pair of unfamiliar shinobi arrived to take me over to the Kazekage tower. Gaara had mentioned wanting to see me, probably to discuss where I would be staying until I was able to return to my village. Thinking of Burnaby as a village was amusing, but it was still depressing to think that I might never see it again.

Lost in my own thoughts I obediently let the two shinobi lead me from the hospital through the sand village. The trip seemed surprisingly short and before I knew it I was standing in front of a pair of elaborate looking doors. Obviously someone of importance resided on the other side.

My two shinobi escorts paused in front of the heavy-looking doors; knocking once and waiting for the authoritative _enter_ before stepping in to the room. As edict seem dictate I was left in the doorway having not quite been given permission to enter the room.

"Kazekage-sama," the apparent leader of the duo greeted politely, offering the familiar red-head behind the desk a customary bow. "We've brought the girl as instructed."

"Bring her in."

"Hai sir"

Having been given the okay to enter I was soon ushered into a surprisingly dull looking office by the two shinobi escorting me. Though it was clearly for someone high-ranking it felt barren and lacked any personality. There were no personal knickknacks, no pictures, not even a plant. _Guess Gaara hasn't gotten around to customizing his work space yet._

"You may wait outside," he informed not lifting his eyes from the piles of papers on his desk.

Although they were obviously hesitant to leave their Kazekage alone they clearly trusted that he was capable of defending himself if things turned sour. I could understand their apprehension but in terms of fighting ability I was as much of a threat to Gaara as a wet noodle. The red-haired shinobi could easily kick my ass even without his sand. Offering the red-head a small bow the two unfamiliar shinobi silently left the room leaving me alone with Gaara.

Considering what I had done, however inadvertently, I wasn't so sure that was a good thing. Growing uneasy I took a seat opposite his desk and patiently waited for him to finish with his paperwork.

I didn't have to wait long before he looked up from the papers on his desk and scrutinized me with calculating green eyes. Under his unnervingly calm, piercing gaze I suddenly felt like a student that had been sent to the principal's office.

Instinctively sitting up straighter in the chair I focused on the desk in front of my trying my best not to appear guilty, no matter how bad I felt. Looking guilty would draw into question the whole amnesia scenario that I had going. With all that was going on Gaara discovering that I had lied would be disastrous. Momentarily I entertained the thought of just coming clean but I quickly dismissed the idea. I was already bizarre enough to these people without adding that I was from a different world.

"Thank you for coming Amanda," he politely commented as though I had a choice. "As this is a rather unusual situation that requires a rapid response I am somewhat limited in where I can place you until you are capable of returning to your village."

Gaara had mentioned before that he was not comfortable with allowing me to leave the sand village when I had amnesia and could not remember what village I came from. This complicated things but since I wasn't able to tell the truth I had to continue playing the amnesia card.

"I understand," I softly replied, patiently waiting for him to continue. He was probably leery of leaving me alone and wanted to put me somewhere that I could easily be supervised. I couldn't help but feel a little insulted by that but I could understand the logic.

"It is rather small and sparsely furnished, but there is an apartment I can place you in for a couple of days."

"Thank you, I'm sure it will be fine," I answered nodding graciously. As I had no idea how much longer I would be in the village, who knew what Zetsu's definition of soon was, I was grateful to have a place to stay that wasn't within the hospital.

"That settled," he began satisfied, "I believe we should arrange for a medic to see you on a daily basis until enough of your memory returns for you to be able to safely go back to your village."

_Perhaps I should just tell him I'm from the village hidden in wheatgrass or something._ After all the medical attention I had received already the last thing I wanted was to have even more medical exams. Unable to do otherwise I nodded my head in agreement.

After silently scrutinizing me with his eyes once again he called my escorts back in. Obediently they both returned to the room their full attention of their Kazekage.

"Kazekage-sama," they said in unison, both bowing slightly in respect.

"These two can take you to where you'll be staying," Gaara explained shifting his attention from his two shinobi back to me. "I am sorry to have to keep this meeting short but I still have a lot of work that requires my attention," he explained, returning his attention back to the pile of papers on his desk.

Having obviously been dismissed I found myself once again being led by this two indistinct shinobi. It was remarkable just how unremarkable these two where. Both had shaggy brown hair, dark eyes and unmemorable faces. Compared to someone distinctive like Gaara these two did not make a lasting visual impression.

Focused on the task assigned to them conversation was kept to an absolute minimum. After a rather awkward _how are you_ and _where are you from_ we continued on our journey in silence. Small talk with a stranger apparently wasn't a required skill among shinobi. That was alright though I wasn't really interested in conversation anyway.

I was a little disappointed that my time with Gaara hadn't been, for lack of a better way putting it, more fun. However, fan-girl aside Gaara had a lot riding on his shoulders with running the sand village. Under different circumstances I would have loved to spend more time with him, or at the very least warn him about upcoming events. Unfortunately with my current situation that wasn't possible.

Gaara probably wouldn't appreciate the extra attention anyway. Besides, the less opportunity there was for me to be exposed as the liar I was the better anyway. I just had to hope that whatever happens to Gaara would work out for the better in the long run.

Paying little attention to which way we were walking I tried to think of how Zetsu planned on getting me out of the village. I wasn't deluding myself with thinking that I had any chance of escaping from the Akatsuki, I just hoped that the method wasn't going to be too bloody.

"Kazekage-sama has said that you are to stay here until further notice," one of the unmemorable shinobi commented.

Blinking in surprise I found myself standing inside a tiny, single room apartment, meagrely furnished with plain basic furniture. When did we arrive here? Apparently I had paid even less attention to where we were going than I thought.

Having completed their task my escorts offered me a slight nod, one of them handing me a small amount of bills presumable for food, before leaving through the open front door and disappearing into the village.

_Uhh…okay? _Not for the first time that day I was left feeling confused. At this point I was more than willing to have some time to myself but I had expected them to stick around "watching" me for a while. Although he never openly stated it I assumed that Gaara would have wanted to keep me under watch, just in case I wasn't quiet as unthreatening to the village as I seemed. Then again perhaps I was just being paranoid.

Not wanting to damage anything, as this place wasn't mine, I carefully walked around the small space. It wasn't the most luxurious space but it would be more than adequate. I was being allowed to stay here for free so I wasn't about to start complaining.

As my stomach began to rumble loudly I was kicking myself for not having paid better attention to the direction the un-dynamic duo had taken to get here. Hopefully it wouldn't be too difficult to get food and find my way back here.

Preparing to leave I nearly leapt out of my skin at the startling familiar, large frame standing in the open doorway.

"Hello girlie," Kisame greeted with a toothy grin.

* * *

**As always thank you for reading**

**School is still very busy so it will be a while before I am able to update again. Sorry .!**

**Until next time…**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone :) **** I'm back once again with another chapter. Since I'm not able to update as often as I would like, thanks to school and other life obligations, I tried to make this chapter a little longer to help compensate for the long pauses between updates.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

A large, blue hand fell on top of my head playfully ruffling my hair as my befuddled brain attempted to make sense out of what was going on. This was Sunagakure, home to dozens of well-trained sand shinobi, not a place for an S-classed criminal to be casually strolling around. Zetsu was one thing, the cannibalistic plant-man was in a league of his own when it came to espionage, but Kisame was a giant, blue, shark-man with an obnoxiously large sword and classic red and black Akatsuki cloak. If he was calmly walking through the sand village people would notice.

Then again this was the Naruto Universe, where my preconceived notions of logic didn't always seem to apply. If I remember things correctly, even if you're a 6'4 monster and look like the shark from Jaws is one of your parents a straw hat is apparently enough of disguise to keep your true identity hidden.

_Personal note…get some hats._

Despite the obvious danger of attempting to navigate behind enemy lines Kisame's laidback demeanor would suggest that there was absolutely no threat of being caught. Perhaps there wasn't, perhaps he simply didn't care. With the ease of someone visiting a friend for a housewarming party the giant shark-man casually made his way to the center of the room and surveyed the space.

A low whistle escaped past his lips as his tiny, white eyes swept over the small living space from corner to corner, taking in every detail.

"Nice place you got here," he lazily joked. "How did you manage this anyway? Did that red-headed brat fall in love with you or something?"

Removing Samehada from its place on his back Kisame let the large, sentient sword fall to the ground with a terrifying thump. Unencumbered by the additional weight he leaned casually against the arm of the couch, his cloak covered arms folded over his chest, thin lips curved into an irritatingly smug grin.

With adrenaline coursing through my veins I quickly slammed the door shut and prayed that no one had noticed the blue Akatsuki member. Being caught calmly socializing with a well-known enemy of many of the hidden villages would not have been a good thing. If it became known that I was affiliated with the Akatsuki in any way, willingly or not, I would soon find myself labeled among the enemies of those shinobi villages. Not only that but I could certainly kiss any chance of being friends with characters like Gaara or his siblings good-bye as well.

Not that I expected to become friends with any of the named characters in this animated world, but I foolishly clung to the hope that perhaps one of its famed heroes would rescue me from my current fate of being an Akatsuki prisoner. Although given my recent bout of playing test subject perhaps the position wasn't nearly as dreadful as I had previously thought. Rationally I knew that fantasizing about being rescued was a futile thing to hope for, but it was one of the few delusional dreams I allowed myself to hold on to.

"What can I say, it was love at first sight," I commented in a dry, cynical tone. "The wedding will be next week."

Crossing my own arms over my chest I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. Granted kind gestures of any kind were probably unknown to a frightening criminal like Kisame, but did he have to assume that the sand village was only providing for me because Gaara had some romantic interest? _ Gaara having a romantic interest_? That was certainly laughable. As far as the red-headed Kazekage was concerned I was nothing more than a foreign civilian that would hopefully be leaving his village soon.

Unfortunately it looked like he would be getting his wish. Zetsu apparently hadn't been kidding when he said I would be removed from the sand village shortly.

In a blur of movement too quick for my adrenaline soaked brain to comprehend I suddenly found myself pinned to the wall. My back smacking painfully against the hard surface forcing the air from my lungs as my feet dangled uselessly off the ground. Kisame easily held me in place with a single, blue hand a playful glint in his small, white eyes as his lips stretched into a shockingly lecherous grin. With deliberate slowness he moved in closer until his entire body was pressed against mine. His muscled frame effortlessly continuing to keep me pinned to the wall.

White-hot panic flooded through my system as his surprisingly warm lips ghosted along the length of my neck his hot breath tickling the delicate flesh. Something warm and wet traced the shell of my ear further increasing my panic before strong, blue fingers grabbed a hold of my chin forcing me to look into Kisame's gilled face.

My eyes widened in horror as he lowered his face towards me, pausing only when our lips where mere millimetres apart.

"Perhaps I should convince you to change your mind," he whispered in an unusually seductive tone, his hot breath brushing against my face with every word.

Immobilizing panic gave way to blinding terror as I began thrashing around like a thing gone wild. Ferociously kicking and flailing my limbs in a desperate attempt to get some much-needed distance between us. As fiercely as I fought to get free however, my efforts were as useful as a kitten trying to fight off a tiger.

Ignoring my terrified thrashing Kisame ran his lips teasingly along my jaw, the fingertips of his free hand gently tracing the curve of my hip as his lips moved ever closer to my own. My heart rapidly thumping against my rips like a caged animal.

Before more of this unwanted intimate moment could be forced on me further he suddenly pulled away letting me fall to the floor with an undignified thud. As pain shot through my sore backside a thunderous bark of laughter escaped from his throat, echoing off the walls as he stared down at me with unbridled mischievousness dancing behind his tiny, white eyes.

"You are too easy," he teased, releasing another roar of laughter.

"What the fuck was that?" I shrieked.

My previous terror was quickly giving way to a unsuppressed rage as I rose up off the floor trying to salvage what little dignity I had left. I should have known that this whole thing had been nothing but a sick, perverted joke. Hurriedly dusting myself off as though the action could remove the memory of his touch I glared at him sharply my lips pulled down in a bitter frown that did little to portray how furious I truly felt.

"Oh don't act like you didn't like it girlie. Perhaps we can continue where we left off when we get back to base," he jested with a playful wink.

"Oh screw you fishface, I'd rather fuck an eel," I viciously snapped.

"Ha-ha I like the feisty ones," he goaded teasingly.

Although he was probably just teasing me in order to get a reaction I couldn't help the involuntary shiver that ran up my spine. Perhaps if my stay in this imaginary world continued indefinitely I would eventually breakdown and entertain the thought of actually sleeping with one of its characters, but definitely not now. While I struggled to shove the terrifying thought of sharing any intimate moments with this giant shark-man from my still panic flooded brain I desperately searched for anything that could change the subject. _Where the hell is that red-eyed weasel bastard when you need him?_

Now that I was able to focus on something other than Kisame's alarmingly close proximity I had to wonder where the Sharingan user was. It was quite unusual for the Akatsuki partners to not be on a mission together. The raven-haired shinobi had to be somewhere close by.

"Shouldn't the Uchiha be holding your leash?" I questioned smugly.

Though Kisame loved to fight and would not hesitate to savagely mutilate an enemy, given the opportunity, Itachi was somehow able to keep his aggressive nature under control. Whether this was because he believed the shorter man to be more powerful or holding back for the Uchiha amused him in some way I didn't know.

Anger flickered behind his eyes briefly before the condescending glint returned. With the ease of someone lifting a cushion off the floor Kisame effortlessly picked me up and tossed me unceremoniously on the couch. I landed with such force that my entire body bounced back into the air before settling on the padded surface.

"He's making sure we have a clear path out of here. In the meantime I get to babysit your ass," Kisame playfully explained, tousling my hair until I angrily swatted his hand away.

What the hell did he mean babysit? I was in Sunagakure for Christ sakes, literally out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by seemingly endless wastelands of hot, blistering sand that offered no protection from the unforgiving heat of the scorching sun overhead. What exactly where they worried that I might try to do, because attempting to escape clearly wasn't an option. _As much as I love roasting alive and all… _ I'd also already been in the sand village for several days, if I was going to expose myself or the Akatsuki I would have done it by now.

Bottom-line I didn't need babysitting; Kisame was just taking an unnecessary risk in order to gain some amusement by pushing my buttons while the Uchiha did all the work.

It was odd that he was even here; one would think that cutting a path through enemy shinobi would have been right up the shark-man's alley. Blood drained from my face as a disturbing thought began to take form in my mind. _Was Itachi…? _No, the eldest remaining Uchiha wouldn't slaughter people to clear a path would he? It would be too conspicuous.

As I attempted to get up off the couch I was knocked back to the soft, springy surface by Kisame smacking a large, blue palm against my forehead.

"Stay there," he commanded, repeating the action when I once again tried to get up from the couch. "Or I'll start getting creative."

There was no denying the obvious challenging tone of his voice, his tiny white eyes silently daring me to defy him. An involuntary shudder ran up my spine as various unpleasant scenarios raced through my over-active imagination. There were a number of abhorrent ways that Kisame could ensure that I remained seated on this couch. Some, like behind tied up, where not so bad. While others, such as hacking off my legs, where so disgustingly twisted that they haunted the mind.

Massive coward that I am I wasn't about to gamble and see what option he chose. Reluctantly I remained seated as instructed.

He glared down at me in conceited victory, knowing full well that any resistance I might have given could have been easily defeated before it even began. My physical uselessness in this cartoon world was becoming unmistakably apparent. I seriously doubted whether I could even defend myself against a regular civilian, against a shinobi of any rank I was toast. My weakness sickened me. Not that I had any great physical prowess in what I refused to stop calling, the real world, it just wasn't so glaringly obvious.

This was like being trapped in a world of nothing but hockey fans and I'm the one idiot who doesn't even know how to skate or play the damn game.

Silently I prayed for the ability to make things explode with my mind, but such a power was not forthcoming. _Fucking figures_ I bitterly thought. _I suppose a gun or grenade launcher would be too much to ask for as well._

"Good stay there, I got to go take a leak."

Apparently feeling no embarrassment over revealing way too much information Kisame fixed me with a final warning glare before disappearing in the direction of the bathroom. Having only just arrived at this small apartment I briefly wondered how he knew where the bathroom even was, but given the limited space there weren't really a lot of options.

As the bathroom door slammed shut a disastrous idea began to take root within the confines of my mind, slowly choking out all other thoughts. It was stupid, it was incredibly dangerous, and success floated in the realm of the impossible, but if Itachi was slaughtering the sand shinobi to get me out of Sunagakure I had to find some way to stop him. _Just gently ask the murderous criminal to stop killing people, I'm sure that will work well...and definitely wont result in you becoming a bloody, gutless heap.  
_

A task that was easier said than done considering I had collapsed like a house of cards under the mere threat of possible violence from Kisame only moments ago. I had to do something though, massive coward or not I couldn't let innocent people be killed because of me. I already had enough points on my coward scorecard I didn't need to keep continually adding more points to it…not if I wanted to be able to live with myself.

Ignoring the voice of self-preservation that was shrieking and screaming for me to remain seated where I was on the couch I quickly dashed out the front door and made my way towards to darkened streets of Sunagakure.

* * *

Knowing I had very little time before an enraged Kisame came after me I raced through the unnervingly quiet streets of the sand village, blindly searching for the raven-haired Uchiha. Having no inclination of what path they even intended on taking my plan of finding Itachi was severely malformed. As I continued to run aimlessly along the quiet streets hoping to stumble across the Sharingan wielder I was silently kicking myself for choosing now of all times to try to be something other than a coward. _No, don't ask for assistance when someone formidable like Gaara could have actually helped you…because attempting to stop an S-rank criminal on your own was clearly the wiser choice._

What the hell was I thinking? I couldn't convince Itachi to paint his nails a different colour, and yet I was entertaining the thought that I could somehow stop him from murdering people? _What the fuck was I on?_ This had to be way up there on the list of stupidest shit I've ever done, and considering I had done some amazingly idiotic stuff while heavily intoxicated, that was seriously saying something.

With any luck Kisame would take my ill-conceived notion of heroics as an amusing game and would not snap ever bone in my body with malicious glee when he inevitably caught up with me. A realistic possibility that was rapidly making me sick to my stomach, further emphasizing how moronic this poorly thought out plan of mine truly was. The voice of self-preservation within my head could not help from gloating an_, I told you so,_ along with its previous montage of, _get back to the couch_.

A thought I had momentarily shared, but having zigzagged wildly through the darkened streets of the sand village I no longer had any clue how to get back to that little apartment. _Do yourself a favor Amanda, next time you decide to play hero…don't._

Driven more by fear now than any belief of actually finding Itachi I continued to run aimlessly, feet striking painfully against the sandy ground as my lungs burned for air. Unrestrained images of an angered Kisame, or another Akatsuki member, catching me and slicing me to ribbons flooded through my mind further fueling my growing panic.

Nervously glancing over my shoulder I smacked into something solid, the jarring force throwing me off-balance and knocking me on my ass. Tiny bits of sand dug painfully into my flesh as my fall caused me to briefly slide along the gritty, hard ground.

"Are you okay Miss?" an unfamiliar male voice questioned.

Relief washed over me at the realization that this wasn't Kisame, or any other Akatsuki member that would likely wish me physical injury. Daring to look up from my fallen position on the ground I locked eyes with a pair of unfamiliar sand shinobi dressed in the signature headgear and brown flak jackets of the village.

"Uh…yeah," I lied, clumsily fumbling for words.

I had just pulled an idiotic stunt that could potentially cost me my life; I was pretty fucking far for being alright. However, given that these were a couple of obviously unnamed characters they didn't need to know that. Even if I did tell them the truth I seriously doubted they could have done anything about it. No point in needlessly endangering lives.

"Sorry about that, here let me help you up," the one I had bumped into offered. Taking in my obvious civilian attire he stretched out a hand towards me, smiling goofily in an effort to encourage me to take the offered appendage.

As I reached up to accept his extended limb something warm and wet suddenly splattered across my face. My eyes widened in unknown horror as I took in the stunned look of the shinobi before me, a sickly gurgling noise bubbling past his blood soaked lips as blood poured at an alarming rate from a kunai sticking out of his trachea. Feebly he grabbed at his mangled throat in a futile effort to stop the torrential gushing of blood but soon fell to the ground, staring at me with lifeless, unblinking eyes.

Before the second sand shinobi could so much as scream Samehada raked merciless down his side, the sharp spines of the sentient sword immediately turning the area into a pile of mutilated flesh. As he fell to his knees a kunai held in a blue fist slide across his throat, the flesh of the sand shinobi's neck splitting into a hideous grin before thick, red blood poured from the fatal wound.

"Where do you think you're going girlie?" Kisame mockingly questioned, effortlessly returning Samehada to its customary place on his back.

All the horror movies and violent video games in the world could not have prepared me for the blood-soaked gore that lay before me. Having never witnessed such violent, gruesome death before my mind recoiled in horror; my brain was in such complete shock that it could no longer process any sensory information. The only sound I could hear was the frantic, chaotic thumping of my own heart.

As the dead eyes of the lifeless sand shinobi stared at me as though silently pleading for answers, their scared facial feature now forever locked in death, a long, horrifying scream tore from my throat. The loud, terrified sound shattering the former silence of the evening.

Before I could draw another breath to continue my vocalized fright a calloused hand wrapped tightly over my mouth forcing me to be silent. A second hand grabbed me by the upper arm, helping me off the ground but immediately impeding any further movement.

"You were supposed to be watching her Kisame," Itachi's monotone voice commented from behind me.

"I was. How was I supposed to know the brat would try to run," Kisame argued.

Ironically I hadn't actually been running with the intension of escaping from this group of murderous psychopaths. Though the thought of getting away often occurred to me I couldn't think of a single way to accomplish such a thing that didn't involve randomly teleporting back home. Not with my severe lack of physical or magical ability in this animated universe.

Though the hand that had grasped my upper arm had since released its grip the one secured over my mouth had yet to move away. Probably a wise move on Itachi's part since I was likely to resume my banshee-like screaming the second sound could once again escape out my throat.

"That's why you should have watched her," Itachi unenthusiastically replied. His calm, monotone voice in striking contrast to the ghastly situation that surrounded us.

"Whatever, I caught her didn't I," Kisame crudely reasoned, casually stepping aside to avoid the growing puddle of blood forming under the two deceased sand shinobi.

"Hn"

A sudden scratchy sensation near my ankles caused me to instinctively look down, the movement largely hindered by Itachi's hand still clamped over my mouth. Tiny particles of coarse, gritty sand were slowly swirling together, gradually forming long, thin tendrils, the animated granules deliberately snaking towards us as though they had a life of their own. If sand was seemingly moving on its own it could only mean one things.

Gaara

With surprising swiftness the eldest remaining Uchiha sibling wrapped an arm securely around my waist and gracefully leapt out of the way of the oncoming sandy tendrils, my stomach lurching violently at the unexpected movement. Despite the awkwardness of my added weight he easily landed beside Kisame with agility far beyond what should have been physically possible.

As the two Akatsuki members communicated to each other silently my wide, terrified eyes frantically searched amongst the slithering sand trying to seek out their red-headed master. I was barely able to catch a glimpse of the young Kazekage before I was suddenly tossed into the air like a rag doll. As gravity began to renew its claim over my body I immediately found myself snatched into a pair of muscular arms.

"Get her out of here," Itachi ordered, his back now facing us.

Since I couldn't see from where I was I could only assume that he was busily weaving hand-signs in a rapid blur of motion. Though even if I could see I still had no idea what he planned to do. All I knew was that whatever it was I didn't want to be on the receiving end of it.

With the situation quickly spiraling out of control Kisame did not waste any time. Disregarding any respect for my own personal comfort he flung me over his shoulder opposite his massive, sentient sword and hurriedly made his escape out of the sand village.

Voice finally unrestrained I gathered air into my lungs and did the only thing I could think of.

"HELP!" I shrieked, screaming the single word for all I was worth.

In a fight of Itachi verses Gaara I honestly had no idea who would emerge the victor, though I suspected that the Uchiha's purpose was only to distract the sand shinobi long enough for Kisame to getaway. If nothing else the red-eyed weasel was a slippery fucker and could easy dodge attacks for a while. However, since I had no way of predicting the outcome if I were to be captured by the sand I had to somehow ensure that I would be seen as a hostage of the Akatsuki and not as another enemy.

"Will you shut up?!" Kisame growled.

_Make me shark-boy. _Thankfully I had the sense not to speak that line out loud as Kisame would no doubt take the statement literally.

A strange _whooshing_ sound flew past my right ear as Kisame abruptly jerked to the left, narrowly avoiding the wave of kunai now imbedded in the ground where his feet had been. The odd _whooshing _sound, that was quickly becoming familiar, repeated several more times with Kisame easily dodging each attack.

He was only evading for now but how long before his aggressive nature took over and he started getting serious? If he could butcher those shinobi while being relatively calm I certainly didn't want to be around when he was in full murderous rampage.

"Release the girl," an authoritative feminine voice commanded.

_Temari? _

Unsurprisingly the blue shark-man did not heed the blond woman's order. Not that I had expected him to. Akatsuki don't give up that easily and I'm not that lucky. Although in truth I wasn't entirely certain that being given to the sand shinobi would have been the better option.

"What? You think I'm just going to hand her over because you asked nice?" Kisame taunted.

I was rapidly growing an appreciation for how the flag must feel in the game, capture-the-flag. If it wasn't for the fact that I was nearly ready to vomit up my own spleen in terror I might have found this situations slightly flattering. _Yeah…a bunch of crazy anime characters fighting like you're some door-prize at an auction? What fan-girl wouldn't want that? _I sarcastically thought. Okay, so maybe not flattering but definitely amusing.

If I was ever fortunate enough to return home I was burning all the Naruto stuff I owned, right after I deleted anything that had to do with the show from my computer. While I was at it, probably wouldn't hurt to get rid of all my Walking Dead comic books too.

"Why do the Akatsuki even want her?" Kankuro demanded to know. "She's just an ordinary civilian."

_Gee thanks there Geppetto. _I suppose a world where becoming a shinobi was the cultural norm being a civilian could be considered rather dull, but did he have to say _ordinary_ like I was in the running for the world's most insipid sentient being?

"Why should you care, she's not a citizen of the sand village," Kisame countered with an indignant scoff.

With Kisame carrying me the two sand siblings would not risk an attack that could potentially put my life in danger, at least for now anyway. They seemed intent on taking me alive but eventually they may cut their losses and decide that a dead hostage was better than letting the Akatsuki escape with a live one.

"She may not be a citizen, but she is currently under the protection of Sunagakure," Temari authoritative voice clarified.

_I was? _I supposed it sort of made sense. As long as I had my fake-amnesia I would have been forced to remain within the sand village, turning me into a pseudo-citizen for a while.

"Whatever"

* * *

The battle continued with Kankuro, Temari and a few generic sand shinobi relentlessly perusing Kisame through the freezing desert. With the torrid sun now gone the sandy wasteland was quickly growing chillier with each passing second.

Eventually he managed to lose them, though I was unable to see how he was able to accomplish such a task from my current position of being draped over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. As the blinding terror that had been drumming through my veins began to lessen my body was quick to remind me just how uncomfortable this position truly was. Sore muscles angrily protesting as my nauseous stomach violently threatened to empty its contents.

I seriously prayed that Kisame had a plan of some kind. I wasn't sure about him, but I would certainly end up dying from exposure if we remained out in this frigid desert for any extended duration of time.

Apparently his plan was to just continue running at blinding speeds until we had crossed the desert completely. Something that should not have been physically possible, but eventually desolate, barren sand dunes gave way to lush grasses and tall trees. The rapidly approaching forest providing a small amount of warmth against the freezing desert night.

In a single swift movement Kisame lifted me off his shoulder and dropped me unceremoniously against the thick trunk of a tree. My stomach cried out in joyous relief to no longer have a shoulder digging into it, drowning out the momentary shock of pain that flared through my nerves when my backside hit the ground.

"Stay there," he snapped viciously. "Try running away again and I'll break off your legs."

His tiny, white eyes cautiously searched the surrounding area as he began gathering small rocks and several sticks to construct a fire. Perhaps a lot of people here take boy-scouts when they're kids because within a few minutes Kisame was able to get a small campfire going, the flickering, orange and red heat a welcome comfort to my shivering form.

"I wasn't trying to run away," I angrily spat back.

I hadn't been seeking escape; I had been foolishly trying to stop Itachi from slaughtering people, an idiotic plan that had cost at least two shinobi their lives. How could I have been so stupid? If I actually took a moment to think my actions through I would have remember that Itachi could have just been using his genjutsu to knock out anyone he came across. Though the Uchiha carried the title of S-ranked missing-nin he wasn't one to kill needlessly.

_You royally fucked things up this time Amanda._

"Sure looked like it to me," he replied crossing his arms over his chest as he towered over me. The flickering light cast by the campfire making his already imposing form all the more terrifying.

As would no doubt prove to be my fatal flaw anger was once again rapidly getting the better of me. "We were out in the middle of a freaking desert, where the fuck would I have gone?" I viciously sneered. "What do I look like, some fucking Disney princess? That I can just chirp a few lines to some sappy tune and have a barrage of creatures running to my rescue?"

Obviously not understanding the reference to classic Disney Kisame arched an eyebrow at me in confusion, his white eyes sweeping over me as though searching for a cause to my sudden insanity.

"Trust me if there was a way to leave this nightmarish absurdity and return to Earth I would literally jump at the chance, but apparently the Stargate has already closed," I continued bitterly. "So much for that!"

I often wondered just how I had ended up in this cartoon world, but having been pretty drunk at the time I would probably never remember.

"You're from Iwagakure?" he questioned suspiciously.

_Fuck my life._

"No, that's not what I meant," I groaned in massing frustration.

Thankfully he didn't ask for any further explanation, which was good because I was in no mood to attempt one.

"We'll wait here until Itachi arrives," he lazily explained, though his tone made it clear that I had no says on the matter. "Might as well get some sleep girlie."

Now that my adrenaline saturated fear and bubbling anger were no longer coursing through my system exhaustion began to rapidly take hold, swiftly consuming my entire body. Reluctantly I began to relax with the help of the deliciously soothing heat of the fire and soon I was drifting off to the realm of dreams.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

**As usual things are still busy with school and whatnot so updates are still going to be slow, but hopefully that will be changing in a few months.**

**Until next time….**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello Readers :)  
**

**Is anyone still reading this? Sorry this was an exceptionally long delay this time. Life has been unbelievable chaotic lately, what with exams, graduation and moving (just to name a few things). Unfortunately I've smacked into some pretty heavy writers block with this story so I apologise profusely for making you all wait so long for such a lame chapter. If I could I'd hand out cookies to help ease the disappointment. **

* * *

I was walking down the main hallway in my meager little apartment, a rather routine action, but there was something _off_ about it. The normal, worn wood flooring and pale, slightly scuffed walls had strangely been painted black and red in a completely disorganized splashing of colour. It was as though who ever had the inspiration to paint had just said _fuck brushes_ and just randomly threw paint at any available surface. That was odd. Considering the amount of rent I had to pay for this stupid place you'd think they'd have been a bit more professional. Admittedly I was a little jealous that I had missed out on the sporadic painting spree. Although it was an absolute mess it did look like it had been a lot of fun. Why black and red though? Did the landlord come across some free excess paint somewhere? If that were the case wouldn't he have painted the place that creepy asylum green or battleship grey? Those were the typical colours that excess free paint tended to come in right? Maybe the landlord was just trying to encourage vampires to move in or something.

As I continued walking down the surprisingly long hallway I bumped into a girl with curly, brown hair and mischievous hazel eyes wearing a bright, purple sundress decorated with little white flowers. She skipped happily towards me a wide, jubilant smile on her pudgy little face.

_The hell…? _

This was definitely weird. Who was this girl? Had I accidentally walked into someone else's home? Staring in confusion at the bouncing, energetic little girl, completely at a loss for what she was even doing in my apartment, recognition kicked in like a rubber-band snapping in my brain. It was Michelle Palmer, a girl I hadn't seen since the fifth grade. That only made her appearance and apparent lack of aging all the more bizarre.

"Michelle?" I questioned in puzzlement. "What are you doing in here?"

The little girl that I knew as Michelle clasped her hands behind her back and began rocking on the balls of her feet, the wide goofy grin on her face stretching even wider. "I live here…duh," she playfully answered sticking her tongue out at me childishly.

I knew I had several memory gaps, some as a result of being heavily inebriated on more than one occasion, but I was fairly confident I didn't have a ten-year old girl as a roommate. "Uhh…what the…no…," I incoherently sputtered.

"You're going to be late for work Amanda!" Michelle abruptly shouted.

Turning my head to the left I saw the digital clock on my stove glowing an eerily bright 7:30am. An overwhelming sense of panic followed by a feeling of dread suddenly flared through ever nerve in my body. _Crap. _It was already 7:30? I had to be at work by 8:00 and I was still in my pajamas apparently. If I got ready in the next three minutes and raced out the door I might just get there in time to be late instead of very late.

Needing to get dressed quickly I raced frantically down the disturbingly long hallway in search of my room. What should have been a simple, well-practiced journey inexplicably morphed into an unending, twisting maze. Knowing that I was rapidly running out of time I began desperately throwing open doors hoping I'd randomly stumble across the one I wanted. Strangely every door I tried either opened into some place completely unexpected, like the super-market, or was filled with people I didn't recognize.

Deciding that the logical thing to do would be to just buy some clothes on my lunch break I dashed for the front door closet in search of my shoes. This time I was able to find the closet easily, but where the heck were my shoes? I quickly searched through the haphazard pile of shoes that seemed to have been carelessly tossed in the closet but could only find un-matching left pairs. _What the hell is going on?_

Agitation began to swell within me. How was I going to make it to work if I couldn't even find my damn shoes? It wasn't like working in that office was my dream job, but I didn't want to be fired just because I couldn't get there. As the shadowy tendrils of dread began to squeeze at my heart a new plan came bubbling to the surface of my thoughts. I'd just call in sick.

Within moments of forming the idea I heard the sound of feathered wings cutting through the air, the unexpected noise growing louder with every flap. A hoarse, cawing voice echoed through the apartment as a great black crow with glowing red eyes came into view, a rectangular object grasped in its grey claws. As the giant black bird flew over me it released another loud cry before dropping the object into my hands.

As I grasped the item before it could unceremoniously smack me in the face I immediately recognized it as a cellphone and instinctively held it to my ear.

"_Amanda where are you baby-girl?_" a choked male voice questioned. The sound slightly muffled by someone softly crying.

"I'm just at my apartment." I tried to reply, but my response went unheard as I continued to listen to the familiar voices coming through the phone.

"_Do you think she's still alive?"_

"_I have to believe that she is. The police haven't found a body so there is still hope."_

Recognizing the voices as those belonging to my parents I watched in ever mounting confusion as the large, black crow that had brought me the phone slowly began to morph into something that looked like the character Itachi Uchiha from Naruto. Without explanation I suddenly found myself in a weirdly tiled hospital. _Oh this cannot bode well. _ Feeling embarrassed at being out in public in my pajamas I barely noticed the three individuals, dressed from head to toe in white, approaching me. There was something oddly familiar about them. When they were close enough the one in the middle pulled down his surgical mask revealing the stoic face of Gaara.

"We'll have to reschedule the memory scan," he lazily explained with a sigh.

_Reschedule the what now? _What the heck was he talking about, and why was he dressed in surgeon's clothes? Was Doctor-Gaara part of a new story arch? Wait…why was a cartoon character even talking to me?

"The doctor isn't ready," the single female added. Removing her own mask revealed the unusually stern face of Temari.

_More cartoon characters? _Perhaps this was a hospital staffed entirely by people who had an uncanny resemblance to characters from Naruto. Although that would admittedly be rather awesome, it still didn't explain my reason for being here.

Unsurprisingly the feisty, blond woman's explanation for the apparent delay did nothing to alleviate my steadily growing confusion. What doctor? I knew could be a bit absent-minded and I was probably in the running for the title of Procrastination Queen but I was pretty confident I didn't have any recent appointments with a doctor, specialist or otherwise.

As I feebly tried to make sense out of what was going on I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of a door opening with such force that it smacked against the opposite wall. Wearing a pair of yellow dish gloves a shirtless, blood spattered Kisame leapt into the room. A pair of large, chunky safety goggles covering the majority of his face. In one hand was a cordless power drill in the other was a hacksaw.

"Yes he is!" he shouted with exhilaration, pulling the trigger on the power drill. "Let's do this!"

_Oh, I so don't think so. _There was absolutely no way I was going to let a psychotic Kisame drill around in my head with an actual drill. How was this crazy man even a physician? As far as I knew the terrifying shark-man didn't even fit under the category of 'mad scientist' much less an actual form of medical doctor. Ignoring the sand sibling's abnormally calm behavior at the crazy _doctor's_ presence I turned to run but found that my legs would no longer work properly. I could see nothing physically wrong but all my movements suddenly felt like I was trying to run through molasses.

"Get back here!" Kisame sternly called.

Panic began to race along my nerves like wildfire as the mad-doctor Kisame started chasing after me with alarming speed, power drill whirling menacingly with every stride.

_Damn it all! Come on work legs ...work! _ I frantically pleaded, desperately willing the muscles to move my adrenaline flooded body forward.

…

My eyes snapped open abruptly as I clumsily jerked myself into a seated position with a panic induced flailing of limbs. Frantically I scanned the surrounding forest desperately searching for any sign of that blue faced psychopath before it finally clicked in my sleep-muddled brain that it had just been a dream, a rather bizarre vivid dream that had rapidly been boarding on a nightmare.

_What the hell was that?_ The giant, blue shark-man was already horrifying enough on his own without having to picture him as some sort of psychotic, back-alley surgeon. As I continued to gain consciousness parts of my peculiar dream began to fade away, forgotten before I could even think what they might have meant, leaving me with a number of nonsensical images and a slightly panicked feeling.

Rapidly blinking eyes still blurry from sleep a grassy clearing surrounded by thick trees, their branches heavy with leaves, slowly came into focus. For a moment I stared blankly at the unkempt blades of grass, my brain still groggy from sleep, unable to fathom a reason to explain the presence of such abundant plant life. _Where the heck am I?_

Slowly the previous day's events were coming to the forefront of my memory. Immediately I felt a pang of guilt over the two sand shinobi who had been killed by Kisame because of my idiotic, not to mention unnecessary, attempt to stop Itachi. The fact that I had, however briefly, thought that I could somehow convince the Uchiha to stop murdering people had been truly moronic indeed. The irony of it all was that Itachi may not have actually been killing anyone, making my feeble, misguided attempt to stop the raven-haired shinobi utterly useless.

One could argue that my heart was in the right place, but good intentions won't bring back the dead.

If I hadn't been so foolish those two may not have died. It was a cruel twist of fate that they would have to be the ones to pay for my idiocy.

As bad as I felt they were now gone, and no amount of grieving or guilt on my part would bring them back. _Watching characters die was a hell of a lot easier to deal with when this was just a cartoon._

Now that the rush of panic fueled adrenaline had subsided I attempted to gather my bearings by looking around the surprisingly lush vegetation that surrounded me, my neck violently protesting at the sudden movement after having been kinked in one position while I had slept. I winced in pain as I attempt to slowly stretch my stiff muscles. The lyrical chirping of songbirds overhead seemed almost mocking as I struggled against the pain that was begging me not to move my neck. The sore, tired muscles in the rest of my body soon joined in the protest.

Sleeping on the cold, hard forest floor obviously hadn't done me any favours. How the characters in this world managed to sleep outdoors routinely and not have kinked spines that resembled roller-coaster was beyond me.

Then again, I never was a big fan of camping.

It was strange how such abundant greenery could thrive this close to a desert. I was no geologist or whatever scientist studies this type of crap, but I would think that the vegetation or lack thereof would have changed more gradually. Then again, this was the Naruto universe…things didn't always have to make sense.

As the songbirds overhead continued with their melodic tweeting, completely unfazed by my presence, I came to the startling realization that I was alone. Despite the fact that there were no obvious signs of either Kisame or Itachi I wasn't about to throw confetti and start dancing around in celebration of my newly acquired freedom. They were out there somewhere, and if I made any attempt to escape Kisame just might make good on his threat to break my legs. Where would I go anyway? Trying to track back through the desert, alone and unaided, would be suicide.

Besides, even if I decided to pull an encore for moronic shit to do, it's not like the Akatsuki didn't have me under constant surveillance thanks to Zetsu. What was I going to do, somehow loose the two-toned espionage expert? Right…and while I'm at it why don't I just pull a griffon out of my ass and fly off to the Sherbet kingdom.

Perhaps if I had been some kind of super-powered bad-ass this animated world that I found myself inconceivably trapped in wouldn't have been so woefully dreadful; however, being someone who made the regular civilians here look like elite-ANBU soldier's quickly sucked the fun out of it.

Deciding that a slow, casual survey of the immediate surrounding area would not instantly set off alarms that I was 'trying to escape' I carefully lifted myself off the ground and took a cautious step towards the nearest treeline. Relief flooded through me when nothing lunged out at me for moving away from the tree trunk that I had been sleeping against. _God this world is making me paranoid._ Then again, given the insane murdering powers of nearly everyone on this planet perhaps being paranoid was rightly justified.

Attempting to keep a calm, regular pace I made my way further into the lush, over-grown thicket, the thick, green vegetation instantly making movement difficult. This wasn't the type of forest that I was used to, where previously made 'nature trails' cut a well-worn path between the trees. Young trees didn't dominate the landscape, their older more robust ancestors never having been cut down for timber. From the look of things not a single logging truck had every scarred this landscape.

As I haphazardly trailed my way through the abundant greenery, silently praying to anything that was listening that I wouldn't be in desperate need of some Benadryl later due to an ungodly amount of bug bites, I soon came across a cloak-less Itachi calmly perched on the low, thick branch of a tree. Since he had made no obvious attempt to conceal himself I could only conclude that he had intended for me to spot him. The missing-Leaf shinobi's attire was similar to that which other Akatsuki members wore consisting of, a mesh shirt, which was mostly hidden by a blue, V-neck shirt, a sash that was tied around his waist, and pair of blue pants. One hand was draped casually over a bent knee as he stared off into the distance, appearing to the entire world as though he were completely unaware of my presence.

"You're awake," he apathetically stated not bothering to so much as tilt his head in my direction.

It was entirely unsettling how the raven-haired Sharingan wielder could be so easily aware of my every move without even having to look at me. I nodded once in reply, despite the fact that he was unlikely to physically see such a movement from his current position, as I continued to sweep my gaze over the wooded area that had surrounded our makeshift campsite searching for the blue skinned shark-man.

Finding no trace of the tallest Akatsuki member I felt a growing sense of unease begin to lick along my nerves at the idea of being alone with Itachi. Not that my _alone_ time with Kisame had been a picnic, in fact I would rather erase the memory from my mind entirely, but there was something about the Uchiha that was just…unnerving. Though he wasn't exactly cruel he wasn't altogether kind either, and I had the distinct impression that I was likely to embarrass myself horribly, no doubt showing off my stupidity to its fullest potential, while I was in the company of this particular shinobi.

Itachi just had this aura about him that made me feel stupid and insignificant while being around him. Well, more so than anyone else anyway. Maybe it was the whole prodigy thing.

"Unless I'm sleepwalking with my eyes open it's a pretty safe assumption that I'm awake," I replied back in a dry, cynical tone.

The raven-haired Uchiha continued to remain completely uninterested in my presence, his vision focused on the seemingly never-ending sea of trees ahead. For the entire world he appeared as though he couldn't care less whether I stayed where I was or immediately starting dashing like a lunatic in the other direction.

"Hn"

Other than the singular noncommittal sound, a popular response among the Uchiha brothers, he gave no further acknowledgement to my current proximity. In the show Itachi's aloofness and rarely spoken words made the character seem dangerous and cunning, now it was just annoying. I couldn't believe that I was actually finding myself wondering where Kisame was and hoping that he'd return. The giant shark-man was a colossal ass-hole but at least he was entertaining.

"So are you actually going to be taking me somewhere, or should I just get used to calling myself jungle-girl from now on?"

Slowly he turned to face me, one eyebrow slightly arched on his otherwise stoic face. His impassive charcoal eyes burned into me for several uncomfortable seconds before he gracefully leapt from his resting place to land a few feet in front of me.

Hadn't I repeatedly emphasized that I was physically useless in this cartoon universe already, so why the scrambled-eggs on fuck toast was I continuing to make such contemptuous remarks?

Still holding my gaze he lifted an arm and pointed in the direction to his right. "Head that way," he ordered in his characteristic monotone. Moving in the opposite direction he fluidly crouched next to a tree to retrieve something resting at its base. With an expert fluttering of material the classic Akatsuki cloak was once again draped over his shoulders.

Well this was certainly new. I think this may have been the first time I had the pleasure of traveling with a character from this universe without being flung over a shoulder like a sack of rice. Not that trekking through this overgrowth was exceptionally delightful, but it was nice to be taken somewhere without being reduced to the category of luggage for a change.

* * *

We continued trudging through the thick forest, in complete silence, for what felt like hours. Perhaps some meaningless small talk would have helped me to forget the growing ache in my feet, but Itachi wasn't exactly known for being a great conversationalist and I couldn't think of anything to say to the phlegmatic shinobi. What could we have talked about anyway? How his covert operation to spy on the Akatsuki for the leaf was going, or how his secret schemes regarding his younger brother Sasuke were coming along?

Yeah, casually bringing up that I knew anything about either of those things would probably not be beneficial to my continued well-being. Then again the only reason why I was still able to suck in oxygen and hadn't been turned into a mutilated pile of human chunks was because of the knowledge I possessed so perhaps Itachi had some suspicion that I might know something. Not that I had any intention of testing that theory. Out of all the Akatsuki members the Sharingan wielder was the least likely to murder me for some sick, twisted pleasure and I wanted to remain on his good side as best as I could. Not that I thought he wouldn't kill me I wasn't that delusional.

As we continued to walk in awkward silence, perhaps only awkward on my part, the temperature and humidity of the forest had risen significantly. My increasingly sweat soaked desert robes began to cling to me uncomfortably, the garments having not been designed for such a damp environment. The warm temperatures did nothing to stop the biting bugs which I swatted at with increasing frustration.

How the hell was Itachi, who was walking ahead of me, completely unaffected? The humidity didn't seem to be having any effect on him and he didn't appear to be the least bit bothered by the abundant insects. Did coming for a different universe make me taste better or something?

"You're wild movements will only attract more of them to you," Itachi's calmly commented in his usual monotone.

_Fuck you right in your annoyingly handsome face!_ He was probably right but my uncomfortable, clingy clothing and itching bug bites had me beyond annoyed with my current situation. Whatever pleasant demeanor I might have had since waking was rapidly be replaced by an ungodly amount of crankiness. Childishly I flipped off the back of his head, no longer caring whether he'd see or understand such a gesture, before resuming my mission to terminate any bug that come within my kill zone. _Fuck bugs. Fuck humidity. Fuck nature. Fuck stupid, impossible cartoon universes. _

"Took you guys long enough," Kisame sarcastically commented. "What's the matter girlie couldn't pick up the pace?"

"Go fuck yourself!" I viciously snapped.

I was in no mood for the blue shark-man's teasing. I was hot, I was itchy I probably looked like swamp-thing's bride wrapped in damp clothing and I hadn't had breakfast yet so my bitch-meter was definitely in the red. Besides Fishface could blame the Uchiha if we were too damn slow.

My inability to leap through the trees like a squirrel on speed should have come as no surprise, so if getting to this place quickly, where ever the hell it is, was so important Itachi could have damn well carried me. Not that I particularly relished such an idea but these people had the ability to move faster than I could ever hope to and sometimes speed was necessary.

Before my elevated irritation began to subside and I could begin to stress over the ramifications of making such a rude comment to a deadly S-ranked criminal Kisame's great, bulky form was suddenly blocking my path, his significantly taller form towering over my own. Surprised I stumbled backwards only to have the blue-skinned shinobi swiftly snake his arm around me, forcing me closer to him.

"Such activity is better with a partner don't you think?" He whispered teasingly.

Mind rapidly flickering between irritation and terror I pushed uselessly against him in a futile attempt to get some distance between us. _Not this again._ It was likely that he was only implying a potential sexual relationship between us because he knew it would guarantee him some type of reaction. Unfortunately he was right. Even though I knew this was just a twisted game on his part I couldn't completely stop myself from panicking. Although in reality who knew how selective the shark-man actually was. What would happen if I started showing signs that I might be into it...?

Okay gag. Yup, stopping that train of thought right now.

Kisame held me against him effortlessly, no doubt in a sadistic attempt to maximize my terror, for a few seconds longer before he wordlessly released me as though he had suddenly grown bored. No longer amused with his raunchy game of terrorizing the foreign girl he calmly walked back to where Itachi was now waiting.

"I know you're eager girlie but you're just going to have to wait," he casually commented over his shoulder.

That was it. That was fucking it.

"Hey Uchiha you want to put a leash on your dog?" I ferociously spat. "Maybe you should see about getting him neutered."

Pain unexpectedly flared through my body as I was roughly knocked to the ground, a large hand squeezing my throat. My eyes began to bulge as my lungs struggled to take in enough air. Pathetically I slapped and clawed at the hand that was constricting my windpipe but it only caused its grip on my neck to tighten further.

"Kisame," Itachi stated warningly.

"Yeah yeah…she has information…blah blah so we can't kill her," Kisame replied loosening his grip. "I don't see why you don't just use the Sharingan to get what we need and be done with her."

_Aww and here I thought Kisame was my friend. Not._ Gulping in some much needed air I shot an angry glare at the shark-man which was easily ignored. That was a valid question though. Why hadn't the order been given for Itachi to do just that? The bloodline limit wouldn't exactly be as reliable as something like…say Shockwave's cortical psychic patch for extracting information, but the crafty raven-haired shinobi probably had some way of making it work. Yes, I am aware that Shockwave is just a comic book/cartoon character but living in an animated universe does tend to blur the lines of reality a little bit. Regardless of the reasoning I wasn't too broken up about the lack of such an order. In no way was I eager to have my brains potentially reduced to the consistency of rice pudding.

"Despite her obvious faults the girl has been obedient and the success of such a technique would be rather unpredictable given her lack of chakra," Itachi insipidly commented.

Kisame jerked his head down toward me as though I'd suddenly morphed into a three-headed unicorn that ate jellybeans and farted rainbows. Of course I didn't have chakra. What real world person did? My chakra-networks were slowly coming along, according to the sand physicians, if those crazy scientists were to be trusted, but they weren't quite past the fetal stage of development yet. A fact that was both depressing and alarming. On the one hand it was hard not to feel pathetic when my body was struggling to develop something that an infant had already developed successfully. I'm sure there was some amazing scientific miracle in there or something, but that hardly seemed relevant. On the other hand the idea that my body was adapting itself to this world was downright terrifying. Did my chances of ever returning home decrease the more it developed?

Or would the network simply cease growing and shrivel away like an appendage that was no longer necessary if I somehow managed to tumble through the rabbit hole back to reality.

"What do you mean she's got no chakra? Everything has at least some chakra." Kisame questioned in astonishment as he shifted his perplexed gaze over to Itachi.

"Apparently not," Itachi apathetically responded.

As was typical of the Uchiha my apparent freak-status in this cartoon universe seemed to be inspiring the same amount of emotion as he might get from sweeping his kitchen floor, though who really knew what the dispassionate missing Leaf-nin actually thought.

"Could she be masking her chakra somehow?" Kisame suggested eying me suspiciously.

This conversation was beginning to sound vaguely familiar…

"According to Zetsu's surveillance the sand's medical team had the same hypothesis but were forced to conclude that she simply does not have chakra."

So that cloned plant bastard had been watching me. That explained how Itachi knew of my abnormal quality. From my perspective I still didn't think it was that big of a deal, lacking magical-ninja juice was well…normal, but I wasn't about to openly advertise such an anomaly to anyone I happen to come across.

Not unless I was drunk and decided I wanted to mess with people. _Step right up._ _Watch as this unexplainable freak of nature eats a bag of Doritos. _Damn it now I wanted snacks.

"How is that even possible?" Kisame asked his voice laced with obvious confusion as he continued to stare down at me with tiny white eyes as though I were the weirdest thing he'd ever seen.

Nothing but silence answered his question. I certainly wasn't going to answer him. Who knew how they'd respond to the whole _I'm from a different dimension_ thing. I had no way to prove anything other than what I had on me when I woke up in that dank dirt pit and who knew were any of that had ended up. Given my abundant knowledge about this universe they might believe me…or they might just think that I was bat shit crazy.

"You don't know do you?" Kisame continued with almost smug satisfaction as his unusually small eyes turned toward his silent partner.

"Hn"

"Well aren't you a weird one," Kisame commented leering at me with a toothy smirk.

"Said the kettle," I defensively retorted.

He was a gigantic, blue-skinned, shark-man…thing with an obnoxiously large sword that liked to eat chakra and I was the weird one? As far as I was concerned I was normal. It was everyone else in this animated world that was fucking weird.

"We should get moving," Itachi ordered before continuing on his way completely confident that we would follow.

Where were we even going? Were we going to just walk all the way back to the Akatsuki base? Oh what I wouldn't give to have a shower and a good meal, emphasis on good, right now. I was really starting to miss all the foods that had been so familiar my whole life. Not that there was anything wrong with Japanse-style cuisine but sometimes I just wanted a burger and fries.

"Come on girlie."

Grabbing a handful of desert robes Kisame roughly pulled me into the air before effortlessly throwing me over his shoulder, forcing the air out of my lungs as my stomach smacked painfully against him. I don't care how muscular his shoulders were that still hurt. I squirmed in his vice-like grip in a pointless attempt to momentarily get more comfortable, but such a thing wasn't possible in this position. There was only uncomfortable and very uncomfortable.

"Dammit! I can walk you know," I angrily growled.

"Yeah, but you're too fucking slow," Kisame shot back, "and I'd like to get something to eat before nightfall."

_Me too! _I thought, my stomach grumbling hungrily in agreement.

* * *

Continuing with our seemingly unending nature trek through the forest we eventually came upon a wide dirt road. Although it was obviously maintained somehow, the fact that the forest hadn't reclaimed it at all attesting to this, the road was completely deserted. Which was probably for the best, I didn't need to be caught in the middle of a fight again.

Unfortunately Kisame had yet to put me back on my own two feet. He said it was because I was too slow, which is basically true, but I honestly think he was just doing it because the gill-faced jerk got some twisted joy out of pushing my buttons. On the plus side, at least my aching feet could get a break. Too bad I couldn't say the same for my aching stomach. I don't know what was worse, Kisame's shoulder digging into it or the fact that I still hadn't had anything to eat yet.

After a while we finally came across something that I could only describe as a tiny wooden house with a small sign out front marked with letters that I couldn't read. Apparently this little building was like this world's version of a street vendor because shortly after disappearing inside Itachi returned carrying a plate of skewered balls.

Kisame immediately plucked one off the plate and shoved the entire thing into his mouth before reaching for another one. I was going to have to act fast if I wanted anything to eat before Kisame devoured them all. Quickly snatching a skewer off the plate for myself I held the unfamiliar item up and inspected it curiously. I wasn't sure what to make of the impaled slightly doughy-looking balls. They sort of looked like sesame balls, though obviously lacking sesame seeds, so maybe this was the Japanese version? Oh well whatever, they could tell me that it was literally made from boiled garbage at this point and I still might eat it. Yes I was that hungry.

Itachi had grabbed a stick for himself after setting the plate down on the small deck the little shop offered. The raven-haired shinobi ate in silence as he kept an ever watchful eye on the two of us. No doubt making sure that Kisame didn't suddenly try to butcher me horribly until the Akatsuki leader revoked my "Do Not Kill" status.

"You actually going to eat that or just stare at it," Kisame teased.

Narrowing my eyes at the blue-skinned Akatsuki member I took an experimental bite. It was doughy, slightly sweet, but not at all horrible. _Definitely better than boiled garbage._

"Will you hurry the fuck up you old fucker!" an annoyingly familiar voice angrily shouted. "That fucking body is starting to fucking smell."

"Deal with it," a gravelly voice sternly snapped. "This one is worth a lot of money, unlike your moronic bloodletting rituals that do nothing but waste time."

With the amount of swearing that would make a drunken sailor blush and the mention of bloodletting rituals and money I had a pretty good idea who was approaching. Given that neither Itachi nor Kisame had made any attempt to hide or go on the defensive they seemed to know who was approaching as well.

_Oh god not this foul-mouthed son of a bitch._

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

**Again I apologise for the rather feeble, uninteresting chapter. If I put titles to these this one would be called "A Bunch of Piddling About Where Fuck All Happens."**

**Here's hoping I can conquer this writer's block.**

**Until next time….**


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